I’ve been catching Honey We’re Killing the Kids lately and it’s disturbing. The show takes an out of control family of fat asses and shows them what their kids will look like at 40, if they continue on the path they’re on.
Now, these are your average American, dumpy knob heads who pump their kids full of crap to shut them up, eat all the same shit themselves and haven’t touched each others genitals together in a long, long time. And not like they would want to anyway. Most of these people are so fat and unattractive, they make smashing your cock with a meat tenderizer seem deliciously erotic. They are boring and dumb. Just like all the stupid fucking assholes who paid money to see Robin Williams’ RV this past weekend.
So they evaluate the family and give them the rundown on what they’re doing wrong. No, dummy, you shouldn’t let your kids eat cookies all night and then let them pound soda like Tara Reid just heard someone say "open bar." And yes, your huge, fat son shouldn’t be allowed to play video games all day, stuffing his face with hot pockets when he could be playing outside…you know, simple stuff.
Reality hits when the parents are shown, through the wonders of morphing technology, just what the kids will look like at 40. Now, I’m not talking about a kid morphing into a fat adult. No. It’s more like an overweight kid morphing into a homeless serial killer with a penchant for cheeseburgers, fucking corpses and bad flavored vodka.
I mean, I know and you know that these kids won’t be pretty if they continue to eat junk, drink soda, and sit on their asses, but man, they look fucking scary when the morphing happens. Their skin is ruddy and their hair is thin and greasy like the dude on the corner talking to himself while wearing a nasty pair of stained pants. And I’m talking stained in the ass because he’s been shitting himself kind of nasty.
This is what the expert on the show wants the parents to think their poor child will look like if they continue to raise their kid like one of Paris Hilton’s pets. It may be a bit much but it gets a point across: the majority of Americans are living a very unhealthy lifestyle and they don’t even know it. And, by raising their kids this way, they are creating a generation of monsters that you only see out of the corner of your eye while making your way through the grimy, creepy city.
But now instead of the stinky ass nut case loitering near a liquor store on Colfax, these people will be loitering near the Chili’s out by your Mom’s house.
It’s not a bad show, because I always like anything that teaches a dumb, fat American family a lesson they should already know. But that’s not what why I found it disturbing.
Why I found Honey We’re Killing the Kids disturbing is because I thought about myself…imagine that. I thought, “if they took a picture of me at 10 years old and morphed me according to the criteria they have set up on the show, would I be staring at an exact replica of what I look like right now?”
I shuddered when I thought about it. I ate nothing but shit growing up. I drank tons of soda, ate Doritos and all sorts of bad crap. I stopped eating McDonalds around 24 or 25 years old but I ate plenty of other rancid fast food since. I did start eating healthy around that same time, but counteracted it with so much booze, acid, mushrooms and weed that I could have sent three people to rehab with my farts.
Would I look like my horrible morph had this technology been in play when I was a kid?
Thankfully, I’m still pretty good looking (ha). My hair ain’t coming back, but my skin doesn’t look like a guy’s who just slept in an alley of piss off of Larimer (the gross part of Larimer, not the nice, happy white people part) and I could still probably pass for someone who has a job, a roof over his head and eats a salad a couple times a week, and not the guy who ran up to me the other day and screamed, “Hey! You on the cocaine train!” And then wandered off talking to himself and smacking his own chest with his fist. Or the guy we found passed out with his pants down and a big dried turd hanging out of his ass. The kids on Honey We’re Killing the Kids looked like them. Turds and all.
Check back in a few years, I may finally achieve that level of homeless chic with hard work and past dalliances with the Doritos bag alone.
JR
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Proving the Point: if one person writes it, they all write it
Here is a review of Built To Spill's You In Reverse that came out this past weekend in the Denver Post:
Link (third one down)
Seems eerily familiar to what I mentioned earlier about EVERYONE writing the SAME FUCKING REVIEW. Has this guy ever heard this band before? This isn't so much about BTS as it is any band that gets swept up in the hype and writers NOT DOING THEIR GODAMNED JOBS. It's like he literally read all the other reviews, didn't know what to say and re-wrote what he read. Pathetic.
Good thing I'm here to tell the 10 people that read this what's going on.
In other news, the Stellastarr*/Editors show was good. Stellastarr* ripped it up. They were the highlight of the show because Editors pretty much played it straight off the album. I love their album, but like I've said before, why did I want to pay $20 to hear them do it note for note?
Stellastarr* was worth the money and I would pay to see them again.
On a side note, saw a kid I've known for a long time at the show. He asked me if I was going down to Lipgloss (popular, long running DJ night in Denver). I said "probably not" because I had a long day coming up. He said, "Editors are doing a set down there." I responded, "and acoustic set?" (this was before they played and hearing acoustic versions of their songs intrigued me) "No, they're DJing," he said.
Shit. No thanks. Nothing worse than having to sit through some musicians "DJ-ing". I still guest DJ from time to time (I used to DJ before literally everyone was a DJ, so it's fun to do once in awhile) but I can't imagine how boring and inconsequential it must be for people who have come down to hear me DJ.
If I wanted to be bored, I'd just stay and listen to Editors play their album note for note. Which I did.
JR
Link (third one down)
Seems eerily familiar to what I mentioned earlier about EVERYONE writing the SAME FUCKING REVIEW. Has this guy ever heard this band before? This isn't so much about BTS as it is any band that gets swept up in the hype and writers NOT DOING THEIR GODAMNED JOBS. It's like he literally read all the other reviews, didn't know what to say and re-wrote what he read. Pathetic.
Good thing I'm here to tell the 10 people that read this what's going on.
In other news, the Stellastarr*/Editors show was good. Stellastarr* ripped it up. They were the highlight of the show because Editors pretty much played it straight off the album. I love their album, but like I've said before, why did I want to pay $20 to hear them do it note for note?
Stellastarr* was worth the money and I would pay to see them again.
On a side note, saw a kid I've known for a long time at the show. He asked me if I was going down to Lipgloss (popular, long running DJ night in Denver). I said "probably not" because I had a long day coming up. He said, "Editors are doing a set down there." I responded, "and acoustic set?" (this was before they played and hearing acoustic versions of their songs intrigued me) "No, they're DJing," he said.
Shit. No thanks. Nothing worse than having to sit through some musicians "DJ-ing". I still guest DJ from time to time (I used to DJ before literally everyone was a DJ, so it's fun to do once in awhile) but I can't imagine how boring and inconsequential it must be for people who have come down to hear me DJ.
If I wanted to be bored, I'd just stay and listen to Editors play their album note for note. Which I did.
JR
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Editors/Stellastarr* Friday Nite!
Speaking of music, I’m going to see the Editors/Stellastarr* show at the Bluebird this Friday. I love shows at the Bluebird because it means I get to go drink at the PS Lounge. Many a bottle was drunk at that place before shows at the Bluebird and this will be no different. I haven’t been to a show there in a long time. And if there’s a bunch of people standing around the bar talking (as usual), I’m going to be pissed.
But again, speaking of the music, I like Stellastarr* a lot; the band’s first album is fantastic. The newest one is all right. It has a few good songs and it grew on me, but it still didn’t grab me like their debut did. They didn’t utilize the female band member’s voice like they did on the first one (please see Billy Corgan Rule #37: Let female in band sing a song. When everyone likes it, don’t let her do it again because it interferes with your stature as head honcho while solidifying reputation as big dildo).
The Editors on the other hand did grow on me, but not after an almost miraculous chain of events. Typically if I listen to an album and it doesn’t do anything for me, I won’t listen to it again. That was the case with the Editors album, The Back Room. I found it to be entirely unremarkable when I heard it the first time, but for some reason I kept listening to it (that’s the miraculous event…that I actually kept listening to it). And during the third listen, I was hooked.
I mentioned in an earlier post how bad the last Strokes album was, and yes, it is bad. I gave that one listen and the songs were so terrible, I just kept skipping ahead to the next one hoping for something better. Nothing in that record gave me a hint that I should take a closer listen. The Editors album hinted at something, and I guess that’s why I kept listening.
Really, the Editors (or just Editors) sound a lot like Interpol. A LOT like Interpol. So I figure that’s why it turns most people off due to its derivative nature. But really, doesn’t Interpol sound a lot like Joy Division? I think Editors are actually English so maybe they have a bit more right to the sound. I’m not here to nitpick who sounds like who, Editors are pretty damn good and I’m trying to convince you too.
If something can seem so unremarkable the first time around and end up being played non-stop in my car, I feel it deserves a mention. I was already going to the show before I even heard the band, so bonus for me!
Friday night, Bluebird Theater. I’ll be the one with the warm glow of the PS Lounge surrounding him and the not so faint smell of Budweiser on his breath.
JR
But again, speaking of the music, I like Stellastarr* a lot; the band’s first album is fantastic. The newest one is all right. It has a few good songs and it grew on me, but it still didn’t grab me like their debut did. They didn’t utilize the female band member’s voice like they did on the first one (please see Billy Corgan Rule #37: Let female in band sing a song. When everyone likes it, don’t let her do it again because it interferes with your stature as head honcho while solidifying reputation as big dildo).
The Editors on the other hand did grow on me, but not after an almost miraculous chain of events. Typically if I listen to an album and it doesn’t do anything for me, I won’t listen to it again. That was the case with the Editors album, The Back Room. I found it to be entirely unremarkable when I heard it the first time, but for some reason I kept listening to it (that’s the miraculous event…that I actually kept listening to it). And during the third listen, I was hooked.
I mentioned in an earlier post how bad the last Strokes album was, and yes, it is bad. I gave that one listen and the songs were so terrible, I just kept skipping ahead to the next one hoping for something better. Nothing in that record gave me a hint that I should take a closer listen. The Editors album hinted at something, and I guess that’s why I kept listening.
Really, the Editors (or just Editors) sound a lot like Interpol. A LOT like Interpol. So I figure that’s why it turns most people off due to its derivative nature. But really, doesn’t Interpol sound a lot like Joy Division? I think Editors are actually English so maybe they have a bit more right to the sound. I’m not here to nitpick who sounds like who, Editors are pretty damn good and I’m trying to convince you too.
If something can seem so unremarkable the first time around and end up being played non-stop in my car, I feel it deserves a mention. I was already going to the show before I even heard the band, so bonus for me!
Friday night, Bluebird Theater. I’ll be the one with the warm glow of the PS Lounge surrounding him and the not so faint smell of Budweiser on his breath.
JR
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
If a Press Release Told You to Jump Off a Bridge: Built to Spill and other fallacies
It’s amazing how shit takes on a life of its own. And I do mean shit.
Music critics are some of the biggest jackoffs in the history of the printed word. They’ll believe anything and write it down too. Most won’t take the time to actually listen to the music, but read a press release, get a feeling of how everyone else thinks, and then squat over a piece of paper and let it fly.
But you may be saying to yourself: “John, shining light in a dark, dark world, you too have reviewed many albums. Aren’t you a music critic as well enlightened one?”
Thanks for the kind words, but no. It is true that I have reviewed records. But I am not a “critic.” I am “critical” and that’s a big difference. To be considered a music critic you have to be paid to review music, and I’m looking at my wallet and it’s looking like usual: empty as a theater showing Phat Girlz.
So with that said, music critics suck cock. Except for the incredible Jason Heller who hates/loves more music than I ever will. He knows what he’s talking about. The rest can go fuck themselves because their ineptitude has finally been exposed.
I am a big Built To Spill fan so naturally I was excited that a new album was coming out. As the reviews started coming in, I noticed something very alarming that solidified my belief that 90% of these music nazi dorks are so completely clueless that Paris Hilton seems thoughtful and articulate in comparison.
All of the reviews started out like this, “Built To Spill is back with their first album in five years since the disappointing Ancient Melodies of the Future.”
Right there, a red flag popped out of Katie Couric’s ass to let me know that something was wrong. Ancient Melodies of the Future is not a bad album. It’s actually pretty good, but it came along after a long string of records and I think BTS’s singer Doug Martsch was a little burned out. It’s not radically different from the one before it, but like I said, it’s a great album. I’m listening to it now as I type this, and I stand by that claim.
The problem comes in because Martsch himself has gone on record to say that he didn’t like the album. Fair enough, but this is what the media dicks have seized upon. Once one person wrote that it was a disappointment (based on what the songwriter said) then everybody proclaimed it a disappointment. No research required.
If we discounted every album, movie or any creative endeavor that the artist later claimed to not like, our top 20 lists would look more like a top 7 list. I can remember Dave Chappelle has said he thinks his film Half Baked is bad and he wasn’t happy with it. Well, that’s good for him, but Half Baked is a modern comedy classic with or without Chapelle’s blessing. If you were involved with Half Baked and didn’t want to be associated with a goofy pot movie, you’d say the same thing. It still doesn’t take away from the fact that Half Baked is one of the funniest movies to come out in 15 years.
When the artist backtracks on one of his or her creations, it’s a slap in the face to the people who bought into it. I can’t stand when people say things like “what was I thinking?” or “sorry about that” in relation to something you went out and spent $15 bucks on. It cheapens what it means to the fan and unless it is a universally excepted misfire (like that last Strokes album…oh my god it sucked), I feel these musicians, directors, actors need to stand by their product.
So Doug Martsch didn’t like Ancient Melodies huh? Well tough shit. I did, and even after he stated that, it didn’t change my mind. But he influenced a lot of people with that statement who made it seem like BTS shit out a flop of enormous magnitude that just couldn’t compete with the band’s already incredible catalog. It happens.
Regardless, everyone wrote that in their review, making it seem like they were amateurs who dropped the ball only to get back in everyone’s good graces with this new album. Which brings me to my next point.
All the reviews of Built To Spill’s new album, You In Reverse, have been overwhelmingly positive. How can this be? Can this record really be that good? Well, this is where we have a problem.
You In Reverse is ok. I know, I know, it’s incredibly hard to write that line. I have been a serious diehard fan of this band for a long time. I’ve seen them probably five or six times and I was at the show where they recorded some of the LIVE album. Yeah, you were probably too, but I had to state my cred for the sake of the story.
To be fair, I’ve listened to You In Reverse twice through, going on a third. Some albums take a little longer to grow on me, but I’ve never had to listen to a BTS album more than this for its qualities to affect me. Two times through and I have to say I am completely and totally under whelmed.
The songs are definitely different sounding but kind of boring. The guitar playing is a tad cliché and the production sucks. Martsch’s trademark voice is completely washed out of the mix and the only thing that sounds different is the bass is turned up. I found myself drifting away will listening to it and not because it was magical, but because it was boring me silly. Long time producer Phil Ek was not involved this time and the band produced it themselves….typically not a good idea.
I will listen to it more because I do believe I will find some redeeming qualities in it. But the point of this post is to point out the absurdity of the “critics” who have fallen all over themselves to get on the bandwagon when the wheels came off a while ago. This album is no worse and definitely no better than Ancient Melodies of the Future.
I don’t know if it’s a form of mass hysteria, but I believe the critics all get the same press release and I’m sure it stated something similar to what they puked up in their reviews. Hey, if Martsch wanted people to believe that crap, he did a good job, but he seriously sold himself and his band short.
Just like that Sleater Kinney album that came out awhile back, the hype has not matched up to the product and it basically comes down to an insult to the band: they are being praised for their worst work because they’re like the office worker who’s been there for 40 years and never got employee of the month.
Well, here’s your reward, a great review from a bunch of jerks for a mediocre record; it’s the indie rock equivalent to the Lifetime Achievement Award and it’s written on toilet paper.
JR
Music critics are some of the biggest jackoffs in the history of the printed word. They’ll believe anything and write it down too. Most won’t take the time to actually listen to the music, but read a press release, get a feeling of how everyone else thinks, and then squat over a piece of paper and let it fly.
But you may be saying to yourself: “John, shining light in a dark, dark world, you too have reviewed many albums. Aren’t you a music critic as well enlightened one?”
Thanks for the kind words, but no. It is true that I have reviewed records. But I am not a “critic.” I am “critical” and that’s a big difference. To be considered a music critic you have to be paid to review music, and I’m looking at my wallet and it’s looking like usual: empty as a theater showing Phat Girlz.
So with that said, music critics suck cock. Except for the incredible Jason Heller who hates/loves more music than I ever will. He knows what he’s talking about. The rest can go fuck themselves because their ineptitude has finally been exposed.
I am a big Built To Spill fan so naturally I was excited that a new album was coming out. As the reviews started coming in, I noticed something very alarming that solidified my belief that 90% of these music nazi dorks are so completely clueless that Paris Hilton seems thoughtful and articulate in comparison.
All of the reviews started out like this, “Built To Spill is back with their first album in five years since the disappointing Ancient Melodies of the Future.”
Right there, a red flag popped out of Katie Couric’s ass to let me know that something was wrong. Ancient Melodies of the Future is not a bad album. It’s actually pretty good, but it came along after a long string of records and I think BTS’s singer Doug Martsch was a little burned out. It’s not radically different from the one before it, but like I said, it’s a great album. I’m listening to it now as I type this, and I stand by that claim.
The problem comes in because Martsch himself has gone on record to say that he didn’t like the album. Fair enough, but this is what the media dicks have seized upon. Once one person wrote that it was a disappointment (based on what the songwriter said) then everybody proclaimed it a disappointment. No research required.
If we discounted every album, movie or any creative endeavor that the artist later claimed to not like, our top 20 lists would look more like a top 7 list. I can remember Dave Chappelle has said he thinks his film Half Baked is bad and he wasn’t happy with it. Well, that’s good for him, but Half Baked is a modern comedy classic with or without Chapelle’s blessing. If you were involved with Half Baked and didn’t want to be associated with a goofy pot movie, you’d say the same thing. It still doesn’t take away from the fact that Half Baked is one of the funniest movies to come out in 15 years.
When the artist backtracks on one of his or her creations, it’s a slap in the face to the people who bought into it. I can’t stand when people say things like “what was I thinking?” or “sorry about that” in relation to something you went out and spent $15 bucks on. It cheapens what it means to the fan and unless it is a universally excepted misfire (like that last Strokes album…oh my god it sucked), I feel these musicians, directors, actors need to stand by their product.
So Doug Martsch didn’t like Ancient Melodies huh? Well tough shit. I did, and even after he stated that, it didn’t change my mind. But he influenced a lot of people with that statement who made it seem like BTS shit out a flop of enormous magnitude that just couldn’t compete with the band’s already incredible catalog. It happens.
Regardless, everyone wrote that in their review, making it seem like they were amateurs who dropped the ball only to get back in everyone’s good graces with this new album. Which brings me to my next point.
All the reviews of Built To Spill’s new album, You In Reverse, have been overwhelmingly positive. How can this be? Can this record really be that good? Well, this is where we have a problem.
You In Reverse is ok. I know, I know, it’s incredibly hard to write that line. I have been a serious diehard fan of this band for a long time. I’ve seen them probably five or six times and I was at the show where they recorded some of the LIVE album. Yeah, you were probably too, but I had to state my cred for the sake of the story.
To be fair, I’ve listened to You In Reverse twice through, going on a third. Some albums take a little longer to grow on me, but I’ve never had to listen to a BTS album more than this for its qualities to affect me. Two times through and I have to say I am completely and totally under whelmed.
The songs are definitely different sounding but kind of boring. The guitar playing is a tad cliché and the production sucks. Martsch’s trademark voice is completely washed out of the mix and the only thing that sounds different is the bass is turned up. I found myself drifting away will listening to it and not because it was magical, but because it was boring me silly. Long time producer Phil Ek was not involved this time and the band produced it themselves….typically not a good idea.
I will listen to it more because I do believe I will find some redeeming qualities in it. But the point of this post is to point out the absurdity of the “critics” who have fallen all over themselves to get on the bandwagon when the wheels came off a while ago. This album is no worse and definitely no better than Ancient Melodies of the Future.
I don’t know if it’s a form of mass hysteria, but I believe the critics all get the same press release and I’m sure it stated something similar to what they puked up in their reviews. Hey, if Martsch wanted people to believe that crap, he did a good job, but he seriously sold himself and his band short.
Just like that Sleater Kinney album that came out awhile back, the hype has not matched up to the product and it basically comes down to an insult to the band: they are being praised for their worst work because they’re like the office worker who’s been there for 40 years and never got employee of the month.
Well, here’s your reward, a great review from a bunch of jerks for a mediocre record; it’s the indie rock equivalent to the Lifetime Achievement Award and it’s written on toilet paper.
JR
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Passion of the Christ for the Kids
I just watched the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe the other night. It was Easter so what better TV watching then a kiddie version of Christ’s crucifixion?
Yeah, everybody knows about the obvious parallel between Aslan and Jesus. Even as a kid I figured that out when I read the books for the first time. And they definitely play it in this movie. Not surprising considering a Christian zealot (and Denver billionaire) by the name of Phillip Anschutz was behind the production of the film.
But I must digress for a moment. I liked the movie. And when I heard it was coming out, I started re-reading my copies of the Chronicles of Narnia as a refresher. The books aren’t great. C S Lewis was a poor man’s Tolkien. Lewis is Skeet Ulrich to Tolkien’s Johnny Depp. You get the picture. Lewis’ books were made for kids and I understand that. Re-reading them it’s obvious. But the film translated well and they did a good job of moving the story along….except for the fact that they left in the part about Santa Claus showing up. My god, is that not the worst turd in the punchbowl plot stopper? I mean fucking Santa Claus shows up in Narnia! I always felt that was just utterly stupid in the book and to use it in the movie was laughable. I mean, you can’t really put the Christ back in Christmas when you’ve got Santa hanging around right? Geez.
Tilda Swinton as the white witch seemed to be one of the weaker parts. She’s a fine actress and looked great as the witch, but her role was reduced to one liners and making faces for the camera. But she got what was coming to her in the end from a vengeful god. Just what the slack jawed, Christian movie going public wants to see. The other part that bothered me was Mr. Tumnus the fawn. Tumnus befriends Lucy and helps her escape. Their relationship is touching but the whole time I kept thinking, “I don’t think it’s appropriate to have this guy’s nipples showing when he’s talking to this little girl.” Well, as long as Jesus is involved, the dummies watching it probably don’t mind a little man nip…but I did.
But do you think these dullards would have really understood this symbolism had it not been hammered into their heads? I remember when the film came out and there were big rallies for it at churches across the country. I was watching CNN and it showed a youth minister talking to a group of young kids, Hitler Youth style:
He was yelling, “AND WHO IS THE LION SUPPOSED TO BE???”
And the kids all screamed in unison, “JESUS!!!!”
I mean you can’t get force fed any more directly than that. It’s literally punched right down their throats.
For myself, I like it when something unfolds in front of me. I can remember realizing the parallel to Jesus and really thinking that was cool. I figured it out for myself and it made it all the more mysterious and sweet. I mean, it was the first time I actually gave the idea of Jesus any consideration because it was hidden (not very well) in a story about a magic lion. Don’t you think the kids who were being led by the hand to understand that Aslan is Jesus would like the same thing?
Naw, because if you didn’t explain it to them, they would never get it, just like they don’t really understand what the fuck they’re doing sitting listening to this guy in the first place.
Christ is a symbolic device used in tons of fiction. This one just happens to be a kid’s story and a pretty cool one. Anschutz and his cronies wanted to make sure no one missed this point in the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe so they hammered it home even before the movie was out. That’s cool, it’s their dime. I don’t think it affected the movie adversely but that guy’s nipples sure did.
JR
Yeah, everybody knows about the obvious parallel between Aslan and Jesus. Even as a kid I figured that out when I read the books for the first time. And they definitely play it in this movie. Not surprising considering a Christian zealot (and Denver billionaire) by the name of Phillip Anschutz was behind the production of the film.
But I must digress for a moment. I liked the movie. And when I heard it was coming out, I started re-reading my copies of the Chronicles of Narnia as a refresher. The books aren’t great. C S Lewis was a poor man’s Tolkien. Lewis is Skeet Ulrich to Tolkien’s Johnny Depp. You get the picture. Lewis’ books were made for kids and I understand that. Re-reading them it’s obvious. But the film translated well and they did a good job of moving the story along….except for the fact that they left in the part about Santa Claus showing up. My god, is that not the worst turd in the punchbowl plot stopper? I mean fucking Santa Claus shows up in Narnia! I always felt that was just utterly stupid in the book and to use it in the movie was laughable. I mean, you can’t really put the Christ back in Christmas when you’ve got Santa hanging around right? Geez.
Tilda Swinton as the white witch seemed to be one of the weaker parts. She’s a fine actress and looked great as the witch, but her role was reduced to one liners and making faces for the camera. But she got what was coming to her in the end from a vengeful god. Just what the slack jawed, Christian movie going public wants to see. The other part that bothered me was Mr. Tumnus the fawn. Tumnus befriends Lucy and helps her escape. Their relationship is touching but the whole time I kept thinking, “I don’t think it’s appropriate to have this guy’s nipples showing when he’s talking to this little girl.” Well, as long as Jesus is involved, the dummies watching it probably don’t mind a little man nip…but I did.
But do you think these dullards would have really understood this symbolism had it not been hammered into their heads? I remember when the film came out and there were big rallies for it at churches across the country. I was watching CNN and it showed a youth minister talking to a group of young kids, Hitler Youth style:
He was yelling, “AND WHO IS THE LION SUPPOSED TO BE???”
And the kids all screamed in unison, “JESUS!!!!”
I mean you can’t get force fed any more directly than that. It’s literally punched right down their throats.
For myself, I like it when something unfolds in front of me. I can remember realizing the parallel to Jesus and really thinking that was cool. I figured it out for myself and it made it all the more mysterious and sweet. I mean, it was the first time I actually gave the idea of Jesus any consideration because it was hidden (not very well) in a story about a magic lion. Don’t you think the kids who were being led by the hand to understand that Aslan is Jesus would like the same thing?
Naw, because if you didn’t explain it to them, they would never get it, just like they don’t really understand what the fuck they’re doing sitting listening to this guy in the first place.
Christ is a symbolic device used in tons of fiction. This one just happens to be a kid’s story and a pretty cool one. Anschutz and his cronies wanted to make sure no one missed this point in the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe so they hammered it home even before the movie was out. That’s cool, it’s their dime. I don’t think it affected the movie adversely but that guy’s nipples sure did.
JR
Monday, April 10, 2006
Pitchfork gets forked over…and takes it with a smile
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Monday, April 03, 2006
Grinder: Looking for Meat!
I guess writing a piece about someone else’s blog is kind of strange. Isn’t that what the comment section is for? Well, when the sanctity of TV is called into question, I feel a strong need to dedicate valuable resources to defending its honor.
Television is like America: Evil and corrupt. Sneaky and foul. Always trying to get into your mind and sell you some crap. Just the very reason why our society seems to be falling apart on a daily basis. TV is one of the main roots of our societal problems and a direct cause of our apathy as lazy-assed American consumers.
With that said, TV is also a glowing comfort. It’s a savior from our daily mental woes. A way to drift off for a few hours at a time, gently rocking us into a state of calm and whimsy. You can be entertained, informed, enraged or just plain zombified by what’s offered on the boobus toobus. In short, TV FUCKING RULES.
If you don’t know TV is simultaneously evil and wonderful, you are the sheep that TV leads to the slaughter. You are the person who is being bombarded with ads and don’t know it. You are the person who a TV executive would describe as a “wet dream.”
Chances are, if you’re reading this, you don’t fall into this category. You’re probably a lot like me: grew up watching a lot of TV, yet fully understand how full of shit it really is.
I read this post about canceling cable from this snooty, up their own ass, anti-TV person.
http://www.columbia.edu/~ip71/w116/2006/03/why-you-too-should-cancel-
cable.html
In it, this person talks about how bad TV is and questions whether they should be paying for cable. They cancel cable and instantly lose weight…..Lose weight? How fat were you that you lost weight just by not watching TV? The First rule of TV watching should be: If you’re a big fat ass, you need to exercise before you sit down to watch TV. Makes sense to me.
This person went on to say that they couldn’t justify spending $50 a month on cable when all they watched was The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Hold the motherfucking phone! Did you just read that? The Daily Show and The Colbert Report is the ONLY thing they watch on cable. I just about shit when I read this. If, among the many things to watch on cable television, you’re only watching Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, you are fucking douchebag.
I like both of those guys (Colbert’s turn as Mr. Noblet in Stranger With Candy is his crowning achievement) but as I’ve said before, if you’re one of those people who is so pretentious that you “only get your news” from Jon Stewart, you suck the warts off a dick.
Sure, cable news (or regular news) is just bullshit these days, but the people who proclaim superiority because they gobble up a comedian’s take on current events like it was, well man-seed, deserve to be called out as the pompous fucks they are.
If you don’t know TV is a mind numbing exercise in trying to get you to buy something because you’re supposed to be incomplete without said product, you deserve what’s coming to you. People who don’t watch TV will tell you all about it…because they have nothing else to talk about. For someone who’s supposed to be so smart and worldly from not watching TV, they sure as fuck are boring.
On the other end, if someone is shocked and dismayed that you don’t watch the usual CBS crapfest, then you probably don’t want to associate with them in the first place. TV watching comes down to one simple thing: are you in on the joke or not? If you are, then enjoy the high points (Flavor of Love) while condemning the low points (Flavor of Love). If you’re in on the joke, take it for what it is: at times tedious entertainment that everyone needs once in awhile. I mean, it’s better than smoking meth right? Right.
A friend of mine referred me to the post that I have been commenting on. He is an ex-TV junkie who hasn’t had cable for a long time. He’s not self-righteous about it because I’m sure if he had some free time and some bad cable to watch, he’d be there. When we were discussing the content of the post, he said it was disturbing to drive around at night and see how many people are glued to the TV. But this is what people do. After a hard day’s work, don’t you sometimes want to shut down and have some assholes on TV entertain you? I sure do. But again, I came back to the point that if you don’t understand how TV is evil, then you deserve its bad influence. Those types of people, the ones who suck TV up like pigs in a trough, are essential to America.
“Besides,” I told my friend, “we need those people to fight our wars for us.”
“We need more meat for the grinder,” he responded.
If Jon Stewart needed you for the war effort, would you answer the call?
JR
Television is like America: Evil and corrupt. Sneaky and foul. Always trying to get into your mind and sell you some crap. Just the very reason why our society seems to be falling apart on a daily basis. TV is one of the main roots of our societal problems and a direct cause of our apathy as lazy-assed American consumers.
With that said, TV is also a glowing comfort. It’s a savior from our daily mental woes. A way to drift off for a few hours at a time, gently rocking us into a state of calm and whimsy. You can be entertained, informed, enraged or just plain zombified by what’s offered on the boobus toobus. In short, TV FUCKING RULES.
If you don’t know TV is simultaneously evil and wonderful, you are the sheep that TV leads to the slaughter. You are the person who is being bombarded with ads and don’t know it. You are the person who a TV executive would describe as a “wet dream.”
Chances are, if you’re reading this, you don’t fall into this category. You’re probably a lot like me: grew up watching a lot of TV, yet fully understand how full of shit it really is.
I read this post about canceling cable from this snooty, up their own ass, anti-TV person.
http://www.columbia.edu/~ip71/w116/2006/03/why-you-too-should-cancel-
cable.html
In it, this person talks about how bad TV is and questions whether they should be paying for cable. They cancel cable and instantly lose weight…..Lose weight? How fat were you that you lost weight just by not watching TV? The First rule of TV watching should be: If you’re a big fat ass, you need to exercise before you sit down to watch TV. Makes sense to me.
This person went on to say that they couldn’t justify spending $50 a month on cable when all they watched was The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Hold the motherfucking phone! Did you just read that? The Daily Show and The Colbert Report is the ONLY thing they watch on cable. I just about shit when I read this. If, among the many things to watch on cable television, you’re only watching Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, you are fucking douchebag.
I like both of those guys (Colbert’s turn as Mr. Noblet in Stranger With Candy is his crowning achievement) but as I’ve said before, if you’re one of those people who is so pretentious that you “only get your news” from Jon Stewart, you suck the warts off a dick.
Sure, cable news (or regular news) is just bullshit these days, but the people who proclaim superiority because they gobble up a comedian’s take on current events like it was, well man-seed, deserve to be called out as the pompous fucks they are.
If you don’t know TV is a mind numbing exercise in trying to get you to buy something because you’re supposed to be incomplete without said product, you deserve what’s coming to you. People who don’t watch TV will tell you all about it…because they have nothing else to talk about. For someone who’s supposed to be so smart and worldly from not watching TV, they sure as fuck are boring.
On the other end, if someone is shocked and dismayed that you don’t watch the usual CBS crapfest, then you probably don’t want to associate with them in the first place. TV watching comes down to one simple thing: are you in on the joke or not? If you are, then enjoy the high points (Flavor of Love) while condemning the low points (Flavor of Love). If you’re in on the joke, take it for what it is: at times tedious entertainment that everyone needs once in awhile. I mean, it’s better than smoking meth right? Right.
A friend of mine referred me to the post that I have been commenting on. He is an ex-TV junkie who hasn’t had cable for a long time. He’s not self-righteous about it because I’m sure if he had some free time and some bad cable to watch, he’d be there. When we were discussing the content of the post, he said it was disturbing to drive around at night and see how many people are glued to the TV. But this is what people do. After a hard day’s work, don’t you sometimes want to shut down and have some assholes on TV entertain you? I sure do. But again, I came back to the point that if you don’t understand how TV is evil, then you deserve its bad influence. Those types of people, the ones who suck TV up like pigs in a trough, are essential to America.
“Besides,” I told my friend, “we need those people to fight our wars for us.”
“We need more meat for the grinder,” he responded.
If Jon Stewart needed you for the war effort, would you answer the call?
JR
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Waiting
Just finished watching the comedic romp Waiting... starring Ryan Reynolds and Ana Faris. The commercials for this movie didn't do it any justice. I figured it was going to be all right, but I assumed it was another movie about a topic that the screenwriter couldn't get his/her hands totally around.
But Waiting... works well as a restaurant movie because I have to take the leap and assume that writer/director Rob McKittrick has worked in this environment. From the post shift parties to the shit bag people you have to serve, I think he nailed it.
There is some ridiculousness to the movie that I'm sure had to be added to make it more interesting; because if you've worked in a restaurant you would know it can be very boring. The way the cooks handled the food and the "revenge" they get on pissy patrons is too over the top. I'm sure that shit happens, but the restaurant wouldn't be open long if it happened as much as it does in Waiting. Still, I wish all the jerk offs who gave me grief in my restaurant career could see this movie, just to scare them into being a bit nicer.
Luis Guzman is just probably the ugliest man alive but he makes the person loveable scumbag that works in the kitchens of your favorite restaurant. Reynolds is pretty much the same character he always plays: smart ass, wise cracking and trolling for teenage pussy. Ana Faris (absolutely love her) does her standard great job. Faris is seriously turning into a brilliant comic actress. She’s not going to win an academy award (who cares right?) but she’s been in some pretty fucking funny movies. Here she plays the hot, kind of slutty waitress, that we’ve all come to love working in America’s food emporiums.
The best character though had to be Naomi played by Alanna Ubach. Every restaurant has one of these: constantly pissed off, screaming and yelling and bitching at everyone. Once she hits the floor, she’s all smiles, sugar and spice. If every office has someone who’s way too nice for comfort, every restaurant has someone like this. And she probably had the funniest scene where she flashes her hairy beaver (which had tons of lint in it) and was thrusting it toward everyone yelling, “POW! POW!” Just hilarious.
If you’ve done time in restaurants like I have, this is a must watch. Even if you’ve only been on the customer, you’ll like this if you dig raunchy comedy.
Watch all the way through the credits because Andy Milonakis (playing a convincing gangsta busboy) has somewhat of a rap video at the end that aint’ too shabby.
JR
But Waiting... works well as a restaurant movie because I have to take the leap and assume that writer/director Rob McKittrick has worked in this environment. From the post shift parties to the shit bag people you have to serve, I think he nailed it.
There is some ridiculousness to the movie that I'm sure had to be added to make it more interesting; because if you've worked in a restaurant you would know it can be very boring. The way the cooks handled the food and the "revenge" they get on pissy patrons is too over the top. I'm sure that shit happens, but the restaurant wouldn't be open long if it happened as much as it does in Waiting. Still, I wish all the jerk offs who gave me grief in my restaurant career could see this movie, just to scare them into being a bit nicer.
Luis Guzman is just probably the ugliest man alive but he makes the person loveable scumbag that works in the kitchens of your favorite restaurant. Reynolds is pretty much the same character he always plays: smart ass, wise cracking and trolling for teenage pussy. Ana Faris (absolutely love her) does her standard great job. Faris is seriously turning into a brilliant comic actress. She’s not going to win an academy award (who cares right?) but she’s been in some pretty fucking funny movies. Here she plays the hot, kind of slutty waitress, that we’ve all come to love working in America’s food emporiums.
The best character though had to be Naomi played by Alanna Ubach. Every restaurant has one of these: constantly pissed off, screaming and yelling and bitching at everyone. Once she hits the floor, she’s all smiles, sugar and spice. If every office has someone who’s way too nice for comfort, every restaurant has someone like this. And she probably had the funniest scene where she flashes her hairy beaver (which had tons of lint in it) and was thrusting it toward everyone yelling, “POW! POW!” Just hilarious.
If you’ve done time in restaurants like I have, this is a must watch. Even if you’ve only been on the customer, you’ll like this if you dig raunchy comedy.
Watch all the way through the credits because Andy Milonakis (playing a convincing gangsta busboy) has somewhat of a rap video at the end that aint’ too shabby.
JR
Thursday, March 16, 2006
American Hardcore
I just finished reading Stephen Blush’s book American Hardcore: A Tribal History, a frank and uncut look at the very important American hardcore scene of the early 80’s. The book is a collection of interviews and the author’s own recollections of the various scenes from around the country that have heavily influenced most of what we call “punk,” “alternative” and “indie” today.
The book is a great document of what went on and even if you know a little bit about some of the bands, it’s a must for anyone who likes to read about music or needs a confirmation that the hardcore scene has been the single most important music movement to come along in the last 25 years. The book is rough; there are plenty of spelling errors and the narrative gets a little wonky. It’s surprising because Blush is an editor at Paper Magazine, but hey, it’s pretty punk not to spell check.
I got into hardcore in probably the last throes of the movement. It’s funny but Blush refers to hardcore’s death in 1986, just when I was reaching my punk apex. I think I heard Black Flag (a large amount of the book is deservedly dedicated to them) for the first time in ’84, but I didn’t fully go hardcore until late ’85. Really the Black Flag’s and Minor Threat’s of the world were no more by then, but the spirit lived on.
Reading the book and the descriptions of the shows brought back a lot of memories for me. If you were punk in Denver, there were many epic shows. The book only gives Denver a paragraph and probably rightfully so. There weren’t really any truly great hardcore bands that came out of Denver (none that could compare with the likes of Minor Threat et al) but the kids were into it. One of the mentions that Denver does get refers to a Nig Heist show that Barry Fey shut down yelling “you will never see this kind of shit on my stage ever again!” Hilarious because Fey is such a vile and terrible person himself, that he didn’t want something as horrific as Nig Heist on his stage is just incredibly ironic.
The other part talks about some of Denver’s bands (Happy World, Bum Kon) and how unmemorable they were (author’s opinion, not mine) and the most famous single to come out of Colorado, the Frantix “My Dad’s A Fucking Alcoholic.” He also goes on to mention a memorable Dead Kennedy’s show that was raided by the police and another violent show in a “terrible Mexican hood” that I took to mean a show at the Azatlan. But it could have been anywhere; I just happened to see a lot of very violent shows at the Azatlan.
And that’s one of the points American Hardcore makes: music is safe now. Punk today is just weak compared to this amazing and often times, out of control underground scene that was. Today you have Good Charlotte playing arena cock rock and New Found Glory sells t shirts for $30 a piece. They’ve reaped all of the benefits of being punk without taking one single boot to the side of the head. The crazy shit that went down in the 80’s would never happen today in the sanitized version of punk that gets played on the ol’ Mtv. Stage diving today is expected. I literally got thrown out on my ass from a show at the Rainbow Music Hall (now a Walgreen’s) for stage diving. Now I think you get a free button for every five successful dives.
And that’s cool, not everybody can be in on something from back in the day. I got in on the second wave of hardcore, and while not quite as important (and definitely more metal) it was still wild. I see teenage kids now into punk and I don’t think it’s stupid; they’re just kids who have gravitated to punk like I did. But what I saw and what they see now is completely different. They will never know terror like going to a show where the security is run by the hated Denver Skins. Just walking into the show was like walking into the lion’s den (lions den…not the Lions Lair….that’s another story entirely).
At a C.O.C. show at the Azatlan, the skinheads fought everybody and it was ugly. Waves of fistfights broke out across the crowd. It was amazing. Then somebody broke out the mace and people scattered. Sucker punches were thrown and it seemed like everybody in the whole place was fighting. Me and my friends were right by the stage and we climbed up onto the cabinets to get away from the violence. I was a skinny kid and wanted no part of getting my ass beat, so I desperately tried to get away from the onslaught. As we climbed out of the mess, there was so much fighting going on, I expected to be pulled off the stage and get clocked at any moment. It died down once the skinheads were driven out, presumably by whoever started macing people. The cops showed up and surprisingly didn’t clear the place out, but when California band BL’AST! played, the cops made everybody sit down. That didn’t last long when the singer told everyone to get up. Everyone rushed to the front and it was on again. The funny thing was, once the skinheads were gone, everybody had a great time. There was a pit but it was one of the best ones I had ever seen. No one was being a dick and everyone helped each other out. The cops of course didn’t see it that way and the show was shut down shortly after. C.O.C. never played.
Another show where the skinheads made things miserable for people at the Azatlan was when Youth of Today came to town and recent Denver emigrants, Agression headlined. Agression was and old school southern California punk band that moved out to Denver in the mid 80’s. They were all right, I had one of their records, but the band’s close association with those asshole Nazis made everyone stay away. So, Youth of Today (a fairly well known, east coast band) plays and everyone starts to leave. Agression had been around for awhile and the novelty had worn off. As we leave, the skinheads are all over everybody. “Why you leaving?” “Agression hasn’t played yet,” and generally in everyone’s faces about it. It just sucked. Here we are, skinny 17 year olds having to get through these scary, violent, psychopaths…who were running the show. Now tell me this would happen at a Good Charlotte show?
The interesting thing is years later we became friends with Agression’s lead singer Mark Hickey. Hickey used to hang out at the Lions Lair and we played pinball with him. He was a good guy and I think he just got wrapped up in all the skinhead bullshit back then. He formed a blues band (Hickey Bluez) and he used to take out his pierced dick and wack it on the pinball table for good luck. He unfortunately died a few years back, but after getting to know him I forgave him for all that skinhead business.
Read Blush’s American Hardcore if you want to re-live those crazy times. I picked up a lot of stuff I didn’t know (like how big of dicks Bad Brains were and how so not compatible Brian Baker was with Glen Danzig). And if you know a young punk rocker, force him or her to read it and ask them if they still think Avril Lavigne is punk.
JR
The book is a great document of what went on and even if you know a little bit about some of the bands, it’s a must for anyone who likes to read about music or needs a confirmation that the hardcore scene has been the single most important music movement to come along in the last 25 years. The book is rough; there are plenty of spelling errors and the narrative gets a little wonky. It’s surprising because Blush is an editor at Paper Magazine, but hey, it’s pretty punk not to spell check.
I got into hardcore in probably the last throes of the movement. It’s funny but Blush refers to hardcore’s death in 1986, just when I was reaching my punk apex. I think I heard Black Flag (a large amount of the book is deservedly dedicated to them) for the first time in ’84, but I didn’t fully go hardcore until late ’85. Really the Black Flag’s and Minor Threat’s of the world were no more by then, but the spirit lived on.
Reading the book and the descriptions of the shows brought back a lot of memories for me. If you were punk in Denver, there were many epic shows. The book only gives Denver a paragraph and probably rightfully so. There weren’t really any truly great hardcore bands that came out of Denver (none that could compare with the likes of Minor Threat et al) but the kids were into it. One of the mentions that Denver does get refers to a Nig Heist show that Barry Fey shut down yelling “you will never see this kind of shit on my stage ever again!” Hilarious because Fey is such a vile and terrible person himself, that he didn’t want something as horrific as Nig Heist on his stage is just incredibly ironic.
The other part talks about some of Denver’s bands (Happy World, Bum Kon) and how unmemorable they were (author’s opinion, not mine) and the most famous single to come out of Colorado, the Frantix “My Dad’s A Fucking Alcoholic.” He also goes on to mention a memorable Dead Kennedy’s show that was raided by the police and another violent show in a “terrible Mexican hood” that I took to mean a show at the Azatlan. But it could have been anywhere; I just happened to see a lot of very violent shows at the Azatlan.
And that’s one of the points American Hardcore makes: music is safe now. Punk today is just weak compared to this amazing and often times, out of control underground scene that was. Today you have Good Charlotte playing arena cock rock and New Found Glory sells t shirts for $30 a piece. They’ve reaped all of the benefits of being punk without taking one single boot to the side of the head. The crazy shit that went down in the 80’s would never happen today in the sanitized version of punk that gets played on the ol’ Mtv. Stage diving today is expected. I literally got thrown out on my ass from a show at the Rainbow Music Hall (now a Walgreen’s) for stage diving. Now I think you get a free button for every five successful dives.
And that’s cool, not everybody can be in on something from back in the day. I got in on the second wave of hardcore, and while not quite as important (and definitely more metal) it was still wild. I see teenage kids now into punk and I don’t think it’s stupid; they’re just kids who have gravitated to punk like I did. But what I saw and what they see now is completely different. They will never know terror like going to a show where the security is run by the hated Denver Skins. Just walking into the show was like walking into the lion’s den (lions den…not the Lions Lair….that’s another story entirely).
At a C.O.C. show at the Azatlan, the skinheads fought everybody and it was ugly. Waves of fistfights broke out across the crowd. It was amazing. Then somebody broke out the mace and people scattered. Sucker punches were thrown and it seemed like everybody in the whole place was fighting. Me and my friends were right by the stage and we climbed up onto the cabinets to get away from the violence. I was a skinny kid and wanted no part of getting my ass beat, so I desperately tried to get away from the onslaught. As we climbed out of the mess, there was so much fighting going on, I expected to be pulled off the stage and get clocked at any moment. It died down once the skinheads were driven out, presumably by whoever started macing people. The cops showed up and surprisingly didn’t clear the place out, but when California band BL’AST! played, the cops made everybody sit down. That didn’t last long when the singer told everyone to get up. Everyone rushed to the front and it was on again. The funny thing was, once the skinheads were gone, everybody had a great time. There was a pit but it was one of the best ones I had ever seen. No one was being a dick and everyone helped each other out. The cops of course didn’t see it that way and the show was shut down shortly after. C.O.C. never played.
Another show where the skinheads made things miserable for people at the Azatlan was when Youth of Today came to town and recent Denver emigrants, Agression headlined. Agression was and old school southern California punk band that moved out to Denver in the mid 80’s. They were all right, I had one of their records, but the band’s close association with those asshole Nazis made everyone stay away. So, Youth of Today (a fairly well known, east coast band) plays and everyone starts to leave. Agression had been around for awhile and the novelty had worn off. As we leave, the skinheads are all over everybody. “Why you leaving?” “Agression hasn’t played yet,” and generally in everyone’s faces about it. It just sucked. Here we are, skinny 17 year olds having to get through these scary, violent, psychopaths…who were running the show. Now tell me this would happen at a Good Charlotte show?
The interesting thing is years later we became friends with Agression’s lead singer Mark Hickey. Hickey used to hang out at the Lions Lair and we played pinball with him. He was a good guy and I think he just got wrapped up in all the skinhead bullshit back then. He formed a blues band (Hickey Bluez) and he used to take out his pierced dick and wack it on the pinball table for good luck. He unfortunately died a few years back, but after getting to know him I forgave him for all that skinhead business.
Read Blush’s American Hardcore if you want to re-live those crazy times. I picked up a lot of stuff I didn’t know (like how big of dicks Bad Brains were and how so not compatible Brian Baker was with Glen Danzig). And if you know a young punk rocker, force him or her to read it and ask them if they still think Avril Lavigne is punk.
JR
Monday, March 13, 2006
A Couple of Things...
I just saw that Knight Ridder sold for $4.5 billion and I was like, “holy shit! Somebody actually paid that much money for that fucking car!”
And then I realized they were talking about the newspaper publisher and I thought, “seriously, how much for the goddamned Knight Rider car?”
Have you seen the Chips AHoy commercial where the clay-mation punk rockers and a giant cookie sing “chunky chips Ahoy/ Oi! Oi! Oi!”?
This is just ridiculous. Does Nabisco (the makers of that dry, flavorless treat) know what Oi music is? If I was selling a product, I would not want it associated with Oi in the least. I did a quick search about it to see if anyone had written about the commercial and about a dozen myspace entries came up where some teenage (and not so teenage) dildos thought it was great. I’m offended by this commercial because Oi is typically associated with skinheads….and these know-nothing retards think it’s a good commerical.
Now before someone gets all over me, I’m not saying all skins are racist. I know quite a few who aren’t, but a lot of this shit goes hand in hand. And even if you remove the racist aspect to it, Oi certainly is an ass kicking, working class, street level music. Hardly the thing you would use to advertise cookies. But the majority of myspace morons don’t know this. They just think it’s punk rock…or the present day wuss version of punk rock. There is nothing more un-punk than using punk to sell cookies. If I have to say that again, I will shit myself. If you don’t hate this commercial on principle, you aren’t, never were, and never will punk to begin with.
If I was truly into Oi, I’d be very bummed out by this. The kids who claim to be punk today should be bummed by this yet are oddly amused by it. Parents who buy Chips Ahoy for their kids should at least know what is being used to sell to their children. I just hate it because it’s yet another thing that had no value to the “man” but now is being used to sell a product. What’s next? The shit and blood covered image of GG Allin selling toilet paper? I hope so.
And that leads me perfectly into my next point: the Sex Pistols and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I’m a little torn by this because one side of me thinks it’s great they told the Hall to shove it. Another part of me though thinks it’s awesome they’ve been given the recognition. I mean, seriously, they changed the world in my opinion and it’s amazing that such a shill of the record industry would honor them. Probably a direct reason there’s a fucking cookie commercial using Oi.
I want them to go because ol’ J. Rotten still has a lot to say and it would be great to see him tear some new ones while accepting the honor. But it wouldn’t be on their terms so I can see how he’d be reticent about going up there. There’s nothing worse than getting trapped into something like that and not getting to say your piece. So I guess it’s for the best that they said “fuck you” to the Hall of Fame. Because as I’ve mentioned above, punk rock’s history has been so watered down and convoluted that no matter what they did, seeing the Sex Pistols in an environment such as the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame might just make me go out and buy some cookies.
Black Sabbath on the other hand, is being inducted and this is perfect for them. They were always supposed to be an arena rock band and this fits them to a T. The only thing that would make one of my favorite band’s induction the best is if all the people who have stolen Sabbath’s riffs over the years would have to come on stage and give them blowjobs. Billy Corgan is going to have his mouth full that night!
JR
And then I realized they were talking about the newspaper publisher and I thought, “seriously, how much for the goddamned Knight Rider car?”
Have you seen the Chips AHoy commercial where the clay-mation punk rockers and a giant cookie sing “chunky chips Ahoy/ Oi! Oi! Oi!”?
This is just ridiculous. Does Nabisco (the makers of that dry, flavorless treat) know what Oi music is? If I was selling a product, I would not want it associated with Oi in the least. I did a quick search about it to see if anyone had written about the commercial and about a dozen myspace entries came up where some teenage (and not so teenage) dildos thought it was great. I’m offended by this commercial because Oi is typically associated with skinheads….and these know-nothing retards think it’s a good commerical.
Now before someone gets all over me, I’m not saying all skins are racist. I know quite a few who aren’t, but a lot of this shit goes hand in hand. And even if you remove the racist aspect to it, Oi certainly is an ass kicking, working class, street level music. Hardly the thing you would use to advertise cookies. But the majority of myspace morons don’t know this. They just think it’s punk rock…or the present day wuss version of punk rock. There is nothing more un-punk than using punk to sell cookies. If I have to say that again, I will shit myself. If you don’t hate this commercial on principle, you aren’t, never were, and never will punk to begin with.
If I was truly into Oi, I’d be very bummed out by this. The kids who claim to be punk today should be bummed by this yet are oddly amused by it. Parents who buy Chips Ahoy for their kids should at least know what is being used to sell to their children. I just hate it because it’s yet another thing that had no value to the “man” but now is being used to sell a product. What’s next? The shit and blood covered image of GG Allin selling toilet paper? I hope so.
And that leads me perfectly into my next point: the Sex Pistols and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I’m a little torn by this because one side of me thinks it’s great they told the Hall to shove it. Another part of me though thinks it’s awesome they’ve been given the recognition. I mean, seriously, they changed the world in my opinion and it’s amazing that such a shill of the record industry would honor them. Probably a direct reason there’s a fucking cookie commercial using Oi.
I want them to go because ol’ J. Rotten still has a lot to say and it would be great to see him tear some new ones while accepting the honor. But it wouldn’t be on their terms so I can see how he’d be reticent about going up there. There’s nothing worse than getting trapped into something like that and not getting to say your piece. So I guess it’s for the best that they said “fuck you” to the Hall of Fame. Because as I’ve mentioned above, punk rock’s history has been so watered down and convoluted that no matter what they did, seeing the Sex Pistols in an environment such as the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame might just make me go out and buy some cookies.
Black Sabbath on the other hand, is being inducted and this is perfect for them. They were always supposed to be an arena rock band and this fits them to a T. The only thing that would make one of my favorite band’s induction the best is if all the people who have stolen Sabbath’s riffs over the years would have to come on stage and give them blowjobs. Billy Corgan is going to have his mouth full that night!
JR
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
..football, TV, why won't you believe me..
The subject title is from a song a college friend of mine sang who was late for work at the world trade center on sept. 11th. He lived and that's what you'd expect from him. The full lyric (and only lyric) of the song is "Gandalf, can't take my hand off/ Hand off, you're watching football/ TV/ why won't you believe me" or something like that. On with the show.
Tv rules. I'm not ashamed to admit I watch Project Runway. It's great TV. I really don't know shit about fashion like the guys in Blink 182, but I know what looks good and I get off on predicting who goes home every week on the show.
I'm thinking Santino wins but it could be Chloe. The crazy thing about Santino is I had no idea his mom was black. They showed an old family photo and she's a fairly light skin, attractive black woman. He looks like General Zod most of the time, but once I saw his mom, I took another look at him and realized he's cut from the same Nicole Richie genetic cloth. Seriously, they could be brother and sister. Good show though and I'm thinking I'm going to enter my clothing line next year...I don't have anything sewn yet but everything has ruffles.
The other show I saw tonight was Samurai Champloo. I fully dig Adult Swim but I don't really like the Japanese stuff. I don't know what it is, but I lose interest in it very quickly. I tivo'd an episode of Samurai Champloo to see what it was all about and loved it. I have a season pass now, so time will tell if it keeps my interest.
Other than that, I wait breathlessly for new episodes of Lost (theories on request), the Boondocks is the best thing on TV and I just got hooked on the Amazing Race. Yeah, crazy isn't it? I hate most of that shit, but that show reeled me in.
So, if you're satisfied with what I'm watching on TV, please do some TV watching yourself. It's what's good for America.
JR
Tv rules. I'm not ashamed to admit I watch Project Runway. It's great TV. I really don't know shit about fashion like the guys in Blink 182, but I know what looks good and I get off on predicting who goes home every week on the show.
I'm thinking Santino wins but it could be Chloe. The crazy thing about Santino is I had no idea his mom was black. They showed an old family photo and she's a fairly light skin, attractive black woman. He looks like General Zod most of the time, but once I saw his mom, I took another look at him and realized he's cut from the same Nicole Richie genetic cloth. Seriously, they could be brother and sister. Good show though and I'm thinking I'm going to enter my clothing line next year...I don't have anything sewn yet but everything has ruffles.
The other show I saw tonight was Samurai Champloo. I fully dig Adult Swim but I don't really like the Japanese stuff. I don't know what it is, but I lose interest in it very quickly. I tivo'd an episode of Samurai Champloo to see what it was all about and loved it. I have a season pass now, so time will tell if it keeps my interest.
Other than that, I wait breathlessly for new episodes of Lost (theories on request), the Boondocks is the best thing on TV and I just got hooked on the Amazing Race. Yeah, crazy isn't it? I hate most of that shit, but that show reeled me in.
So, if you're satisfied with what I'm watching on TV, please do some TV watching yourself. It's what's good for America.
JR
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Crash?
I'm just shocked that Crash won best picture.
The academy awards are usually bullshit, but this just proves it.
Crash is seriously one of the worst movies i've ever seen. I turned it off at one point because it was so bad. Lifetime movies are better. Sci Fi channel movies about killer bees are better. Anything on UPN is better.
I am so shocked by this utter piece of shit winning the highest honor in film, that I have nothing more to say.....for now.
JR
The academy awards are usually bullshit, but this just proves it.
Crash is seriously one of the worst movies i've ever seen. I turned it off at one point because it was so bad. Lifetime movies are better. Sci Fi channel movies about killer bees are better. Anything on UPN is better.
I am so shocked by this utter piece of shit winning the highest honor in film, that I have nothing more to say.....for now.
JR
Friday, March 03, 2006
the Mark of the Wuss
Fucking religious freaks. Seriously, people who get their panties in a bunch about religion are mentally ill.
A buddy of mine told me a story about how a co-worker of his got all religious on his ass while on a business trip. This creep was a “born again” and felt the need to lay his cheap shtick on my friend.
Well, my friend is a rather well informed, former bible beater who knows an enormous amount about the bible, attended religious schools and overall was a devout Christian until he realized that most of it was bullshit. I think he believes in it still, he just doesn’t buy into the “born again” insanity.
So this guy, after hearing my friend tell him about the bible and explain his viewpoints on religion and how he arrived at them, lays out the whole “you are at a point that I was before I realized the truth” or some shit like that. He continued, “you probably know more about the bible than I do, but do you realize that all you have to do is ask Christ to be your personal lord and savior?” Well duh.
This is your American Christian in action. Doesn’t know a goddamn thing about the bible yet is the expert on what it takes to save your soul. Has no clue as to where any of the words he said came from, yet will tell you you’re wrong because he “knows the way.” It’s funny how all of these people are better than you and you’re not quite on their level because of their religious conversion. Hate to break it to ya, but dumbasses are NEVER on my level.
All you have to do is ask Jesus huh? If it was that easy, don’t you think everybody would be doing it? It’s like those late night/late morning cable ads where the guy works from home and makes $450,000 a year. It’s too good to be true. It’s too easy.
Nothing in this life is that easy. If someone came to you today and said, “you can be a multi millionaire by the end of the day if you just come to my seminar and pledge your loyalty to me.” You’d throw the guy out on his ass. So why don’t we do that to the American Christian? Because they’re crazy and crazy people can’t be reasoned with or negotiated with. You can’t have a logical discussion about religion with a wacko “born again.” It’s like trying to discuss quantum theory with the dude on Colfax with gold paint all over his face form huffing it out of a bag. You’re just wasting your time.
The only difference between American Religious Nuts and Middle Eastern Religious Nuts is the American version isn’t going into a Starbucks and blowing everyone up….yet. Sure we get some of those fuckers shooting up abortion clinics are killing doctors who perform abortions, and while this is sad and alarming, they aren’t going into America’s malls and taking out a large numbers of people; probably because they know they’d be killing a lot of like minded people. They’re bound to do something horrifying in the future, but if there is a positive to suicide bombings, it’s that the American religious freak feels he is so much better than his turban wearing counterpart that he wouldn’t dare sink to their level. Good for us huh?
What brought this latest bile up from the depths of my stomach was a story I read today about RFID chips being the Mark of the Beast.
RFID (radio frequency identification) is rapidly becoming the standard in credit cards and all the shit you use on a daily basis to buy coffee, beer and baby formula….oh wait, that’s what I use it for. Well this nut in the story is convinced that RFID is the Mark of the Beast as foretold in Revelations….that’s a section in the bible for all you “born agains” who haven’t actually bothered to read the thing.
If you read the article it talks about how throughout history, religious crazies have thought various technological advances have been the Mark of the Beast. The Guttenberg Press sent countless mental patients masquerading as normal people into a tizzy when it was introduced. So as each new thing is invented, Revelations gets a boost in ratings because some freak sees a correlation to the BEAST.
If you read Revelations for what it is, anything can be seen as the Mark of the Beast or the signal for the start of the End Times. It’s ironic because if you read Revelations, you could easily interpret the reign of GW Bush as the coming of the Beast. He’s a charismatic leader who people follow blindly. This person is said be loved by a lot of people but is really the anti-Christ. I’m sure everyone on George’s side of the fence felt that way about Bill Clinton, so it’s hilarious that these so called religious people are in fact backing the anti-Christ now.
Here’s some info from a nut job’s website about the End Times:
1. Both beast and its image have exerted political and religious authority
2. Both claim power and right to admit or excommunicate church members
3. Both make laws and creeds to govern their religion
4. Both make names for their religion and assemblies in honor of men
5. Both offer an opportunity of salvation for the sinner after death
6. One claims that there is one body with two heads, the other claims that there are many bodies with one head
(It was funny that while looking up some things about this column, every religious site I went to for information asked for money and/or your email before it would give you more. I don’t believe in email addresses though. It’s the Mark of the Beast!)
Sounds like ol’ Bush to me. Here’s more from Wikpedia (which didn’t ask for any money):
“there is a general consensus that sometime prior to the expected return of Jesus, there will be a period of "trials and tribulations" during which the Antichrist, inspired by Satan, will attempt to win supporters, and will silence anyone or make enemies of any country that refuses to approve of him.”
Yep, that’s him.
And more:
“Some believe that the Antichrist will be of Jewish decent, basing their claims on Daniel 11:37. This verse says "Neither shall he regard the God of his fathers, nor the desire of women, nor regard any god: for he shall magnify himself above all," which matches Jewish tradition of faith in God[[2]]. This may also indicate that the Antichrist is a homosexual[[3]]. Also, the Antichrist, some believe because of John 5:43, may be accepted as Israel's Messiah.”
Really nice how they set the Jews and the gay guys up like that. Don’t try and become the first gay president or Israel’s Messiah any time soon.
And the Muslims have their say too:
“He will initially claim to be a prophet of God but will finally declare himself God.”
Again, sounds like our man GW because he’s such good buddies with God, or so he claims. I can see a single white female scenario playing out where GW will start borrowing Jesus’s clothes and wearing his hair in a similar fashion.
The funny thing about Revelations is that we know the outcome already. It’s like reading spoilers online about your favorite movies and tv shows. We know that Jesus wins! So why is everyone getting so upset?
If you know Jesus wins, why are you fighting the Mark of the Beast coming into play? You’d think these religious lunatics would welcome this. After all, they’re saved right? Once the Mark happens, Jesus is coming and he will save them all. I think it’s a bit telling that the religious fruitcake set is so upset by this; do they know deep down they’re full of shit and Jesus isn’t coming? If you truly believed all this shit, you’d welcome RFID with open arms. Bring on the Apocalypse! I’m ready Lord!
The born again credo of “asking Jesus to be your savior” is utter crap. It’s too easy. It makes people like George Bush have an easy out for all the bad shit they do. Fundamentalist Christianity (christian insanity?) attracts crazy people, drunks and drug addicts and other assholes who’ve fucked up along the way and instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they just have to say a few simple words and “poof,” all is forgiven. I realized a long time ago this was bullshit when my CCD teacher told me that because of Jesus’ forgiveness, even Al Capone could get into heaven (I grew up in Illinois and he was bad guy the kids all knew). I told my dad that and he laughed. “Yeah right,” he said. That’s all I needed to know.
So after my buddy had this enlightening religious discussion with a misinformed, delirious born again, the guy quit his job and went off on some half baked religious quest. I don’t know if my buddy spurred this on, but if this cat ends up shooting up a Hot Topic, I know who to blame.
JR
A buddy of mine told me a story about how a co-worker of his got all religious on his ass while on a business trip. This creep was a “born again” and felt the need to lay his cheap shtick on my friend.
Well, my friend is a rather well informed, former bible beater who knows an enormous amount about the bible, attended religious schools and overall was a devout Christian until he realized that most of it was bullshit. I think he believes in it still, he just doesn’t buy into the “born again” insanity.
So this guy, after hearing my friend tell him about the bible and explain his viewpoints on religion and how he arrived at them, lays out the whole “you are at a point that I was before I realized the truth” or some shit like that. He continued, “you probably know more about the bible than I do, but do you realize that all you have to do is ask Christ to be your personal lord and savior?” Well duh.
This is your American Christian in action. Doesn’t know a goddamn thing about the bible yet is the expert on what it takes to save your soul. Has no clue as to where any of the words he said came from, yet will tell you you’re wrong because he “knows the way.” It’s funny how all of these people are better than you and you’re not quite on their level because of their religious conversion. Hate to break it to ya, but dumbasses are NEVER on my level.
All you have to do is ask Jesus huh? If it was that easy, don’t you think everybody would be doing it? It’s like those late night/late morning cable ads where the guy works from home and makes $450,000 a year. It’s too good to be true. It’s too easy.
Nothing in this life is that easy. If someone came to you today and said, “you can be a multi millionaire by the end of the day if you just come to my seminar and pledge your loyalty to me.” You’d throw the guy out on his ass. So why don’t we do that to the American Christian? Because they’re crazy and crazy people can’t be reasoned with or negotiated with. You can’t have a logical discussion about religion with a wacko “born again.” It’s like trying to discuss quantum theory with the dude on Colfax with gold paint all over his face form huffing it out of a bag. You’re just wasting your time.
The only difference between American Religious Nuts and Middle Eastern Religious Nuts is the American version isn’t going into a Starbucks and blowing everyone up….yet. Sure we get some of those fuckers shooting up abortion clinics are killing doctors who perform abortions, and while this is sad and alarming, they aren’t going into America’s malls and taking out a large numbers of people; probably because they know they’d be killing a lot of like minded people. They’re bound to do something horrifying in the future, but if there is a positive to suicide bombings, it’s that the American religious freak feels he is so much better than his turban wearing counterpart that he wouldn’t dare sink to their level. Good for us huh?
What brought this latest bile up from the depths of my stomach was a story I read today about RFID chips being the Mark of the Beast.
RFID (radio frequency identification) is rapidly becoming the standard in credit cards and all the shit you use on a daily basis to buy coffee, beer and baby formula….oh wait, that’s what I use it for. Well this nut in the story is convinced that RFID is the Mark of the Beast as foretold in Revelations….that’s a section in the bible for all you “born agains” who haven’t actually bothered to read the thing.
If you read the article it talks about how throughout history, religious crazies have thought various technological advances have been the Mark of the Beast. The Guttenberg Press sent countless mental patients masquerading as normal people into a tizzy when it was introduced. So as each new thing is invented, Revelations gets a boost in ratings because some freak sees a correlation to the BEAST.
If you read Revelations for what it is, anything can be seen as the Mark of the Beast or the signal for the start of the End Times. It’s ironic because if you read Revelations, you could easily interpret the reign of GW Bush as the coming of the Beast. He’s a charismatic leader who people follow blindly. This person is said be loved by a lot of people but is really the anti-Christ. I’m sure everyone on George’s side of the fence felt that way about Bill Clinton, so it’s hilarious that these so called religious people are in fact backing the anti-Christ now.
Here’s some info from a nut job’s website about the End Times:
1. Both beast and its image have exerted political and religious authority
2. Both claim power and right to admit or excommunicate church members
3. Both make laws and creeds to govern their religion
4. Both make names for their religion and assemblies in honor of men
5. Both offer an opportunity of salvation for the sinner after death
6. One claims that there is one body with two heads, the other claims that there are many bodies with one head
(It was funny that while looking up some things about this column, every religious site I went to for information asked for money and/or your email before it would give you more. I don’t believe in email addresses though. It’s the Mark of the Beast!)
Sounds like ol’ Bush to me. Here’s more from Wikpedia (which didn’t ask for any money):
“there is a general consensus that sometime prior to the expected return of Jesus, there will be a period of "trials and tribulations" during which the Antichrist, inspired by Satan, will attempt to win supporters, and will silence anyone or make enemies of any country that refuses to approve of him.”
Yep, that’s him.
And more:
“Some believe that the Antichrist will be of Jewish decent, basing their claims on Daniel 11:37. This verse says "Neither shall he regard the God of his fathers, nor the desire of women, nor regard any god: for he shall magnify himself above all," which matches Jewish tradition of faith in God[[2]]. This may also indicate that the Antichrist is a homosexual[[3]]. Also, the Antichrist, some believe because of John 5:43, may be accepted as Israel's Messiah.”
Really nice how they set the Jews and the gay guys up like that. Don’t try and become the first gay president or Israel’s Messiah any time soon.
And the Muslims have their say too:
“He will initially claim to be a prophet of God but will finally declare himself God.”
Again, sounds like our man GW because he’s such good buddies with God, or so he claims. I can see a single white female scenario playing out where GW will start borrowing Jesus’s clothes and wearing his hair in a similar fashion.
The funny thing about Revelations is that we know the outcome already. It’s like reading spoilers online about your favorite movies and tv shows. We know that Jesus wins! So why is everyone getting so upset?
If you know Jesus wins, why are you fighting the Mark of the Beast coming into play? You’d think these religious lunatics would welcome this. After all, they’re saved right? Once the Mark happens, Jesus is coming and he will save them all. I think it’s a bit telling that the religious fruitcake set is so upset by this; do they know deep down they’re full of shit and Jesus isn’t coming? If you truly believed all this shit, you’d welcome RFID with open arms. Bring on the Apocalypse! I’m ready Lord!
The born again credo of “asking Jesus to be your savior” is utter crap. It’s too easy. It makes people like George Bush have an easy out for all the bad shit they do. Fundamentalist Christianity (christian insanity?) attracts crazy people, drunks and drug addicts and other assholes who’ve fucked up along the way and instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they just have to say a few simple words and “poof,” all is forgiven. I realized a long time ago this was bullshit when my CCD teacher told me that because of Jesus’ forgiveness, even Al Capone could get into heaven (I grew up in Illinois and he was bad guy the kids all knew). I told my dad that and he laughed. “Yeah right,” he said. That’s all I needed to know.
So after my buddy had this enlightening religious discussion with a misinformed, delirious born again, the guy quit his job and went off on some half baked religious quest. I don’t know if my buddy spurred this on, but if this cat ends up shooting up a Hot Topic, I know who to blame.
JR
Friday, February 24, 2006
What's On Your Ipod?
I was thinking about my ipod the other day and wondered what bands I had the most of on it. I currently have 7,548 songs on my 40 gig and am adding more every day.
Here's the list of the most prominent players in my pod:
6 albums of the combined acts of the Smiths/Morrisey.
6 albums of the combined acts of Pavement/Malkmus.
6 albums from the immortal Willie Nelson (this includes a "best of").
7 Fugazi albums.
7 Neil Young albums.
7 Slayer albums.
And now, the real players on my ipod:
The Figgs clock in at 9 albums (some of these are eps).
The Cure is represented by 10 albums.
Tom Waits of course has 10 albums gloriously taking space on my ipod.
Black Sabbath has 10 albums in the ol' library. I love Sabbath. I even have a Dio Sabbath on there.
And the winner of the most albums featured on my ipod?
None other than the mother fuckin' Rolling Stones who registered a whopping 11 albums on my ipod. God Bless those wrinkly bastards.
Honorable mentions: Built to Spill, Miles Davis, U2 (yeah, I know, but I still have a soft spot for their old stuff), Johnny Cash and of course King Tubby; who probably has more albums on there than anyone, but his name is on everything, so I can't actually list him. I've got a TON of Tubby on there, but who knows what he did and what his name was just placed on. He could have beat the Stones...in more ways than one.
Please let me know what the rest of y'all have the most of on your ipods.
JR
Here's the list of the most prominent players in my pod:
6 albums of the combined acts of the Smiths/Morrisey.
6 albums of the combined acts of Pavement/Malkmus.
6 albums from the immortal Willie Nelson (this includes a "best of").
7 Fugazi albums.
7 Neil Young albums.
7 Slayer albums.
And now, the real players on my ipod:
The Figgs clock in at 9 albums (some of these are eps).
The Cure is represented by 10 albums.
Tom Waits of course has 10 albums gloriously taking space on my ipod.
Black Sabbath has 10 albums in the ol' library. I love Sabbath. I even have a Dio Sabbath on there.
And the winner of the most albums featured on my ipod?
None other than the mother fuckin' Rolling Stones who registered a whopping 11 albums on my ipod. God Bless those wrinkly bastards.
Honorable mentions: Built to Spill, Miles Davis, U2 (yeah, I know, but I still have a soft spot for their old stuff), Johnny Cash and of course King Tubby; who probably has more albums on there than anyone, but his name is on everything, so I can't actually list him. I've got a TON of Tubby on there, but who knows what he did and what his name was just placed on. He could have beat the Stones...in more ways than one.
Please let me know what the rest of y'all have the most of on your ipods.
JR
Thursday, February 23, 2006
The Daily Show: Bad For America?
I’ve come to the probably unpopular conclusion that The Daily Show is not funny. If not for John Stewart’s impeccable comic timing, I think the show would be about as funny as anything Jim Belushi was ever involved with. I can find some of it mildly amusing but there’s not much propping up the lame “politically charged” jokes other than its willingness to stick it to politicians. Stewart is funny, but he’s milking his legend more than he’s actually being funny on the show. The studio audience and a large following of numbskulls fanatically support The Daily Show and proclaim it provocative with their constant guffawing at Stewart’s easy takes on the state of the union.
I used to watch The Daily Show a lot back when Craig Kilborn was the host and didn’t see any problem with Stewart taking the reigns. But sure enough, like the US Women’s Olympic snowboard team, the great expectations went south quickly.
I’m glad someone’s humorously pointing out the hypocrisy and absurdity of the Bush administration but that’s all it is: comedy. Bush is laughing all the way the Dick Cheney’s bank because the voice of dissention has been reduced to a half hour of comedy on a basic cable channel. Shit, Stewart can riff all he wants, it doesn’t change anyone’s mind. The people watching the Daily Show and getting off on the Bush bashing won’t do shit about it once South Park comes on. And that's just how Bush's gang likes it.
Dick Cheney is a great example. Sure he shot someone but the fact that everyone obsessed over it is just pathetic. Of all the evil, illegal, crappy things Cheney has done, the media is going to beat him up for shooting someone while hunting? Give me a break. People get shot all the time hunting. This isn’t shocking. And when Cheney tried to explain it was the dummy’s fault that he got shot (in true Bush Administration fashion) he was railed for it. You tell me, someone gets shot in the face and you don’t think they might have been in the wrong place at the wrong time? Jesus. I never thought I’d be defending DICK, but here I am.
The ass pounding Cheney has taken is just further evidence that the Democrats have nothing to offer. They have to beat this guy up over getting drunk and shooting some poor sap (like Ted Nugent hasn’t done that 20 times already) when he’s probably the most vile and corrupt politician since Boss Tweed and Boss Hogg combined. Please, don’t waste your time pondering the time line of the hunting accident when you could be investigating the countless Halliburton contracts awarded in Iraq that are lining DICK’s pockets right now.
Fucking Christ.
The Daily Show is a symptom of this. It’s a lazy way for armchair activists to get angry about the state of the world while never straying too far from the bong or the Cheeto bag. They laugh way too hard at weak Jon Stewart jokes and become indignant when GW displays just how fucking stupid he really is. But once the half hour is over, Bush keeps getting away with it, Comedy Central makes its money, and another liter of Pepsi is liberated from its bottle.
Please save your “But What Are You Doing?” bullshit anonymous posts. I don’t care. Jon Stewart (or his writers) are doing their part by at least being the only media outlet to comment on some of the jackassery going on. But it’s the people, by watching The Daily Show, who feel they’ve made a difference and that’s what’s wrong here. Today’s American can literally watch a TV show, laugh too hard at borderline unfunny jokes and feel they’ve done something to help the world.
It’s kind of like that one guy in the movie theater who’s laughing way too hard at the jokes in the film because he was told it was funny and feels that if he’s not laughing his ass off, he’s missing something. They figure if they laughed hardest, they care the most and were the only ones who “got it.” Well, you don’t “get it” do you? Daily Show viewers are just like that; I guess they’d rather laugh than getting their hands dirty with how fucked up our federal government is. And I can’t really blame them actually. Just don’t think they’re “doing something” by simply watching Jon Stewart mug for the camera.
And on that note, I just want to say that Lewis Black, The Daily Show commentator is the MOST UNFUNNY MAN in America. Why this sad sack of shit is still on this show, I will never understand. He sucks so bad it brings tears to my eyes if I can’t find the remote to get his dismal act off of my TV screen. The entire cast of MAD TV combined can’t equal the level of suckiness that Lewis Black spits up during every episode of The Daily Show…..but again, he’s getting plenty of laughs, so what does that tell you? That Americans have their head up their ass about yet another thing: comedy. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, there’s a reason why According to Jim is still on the air.
JR
I used to watch The Daily Show a lot back when Craig Kilborn was the host and didn’t see any problem with Stewart taking the reigns. But sure enough, like the US Women’s Olympic snowboard team, the great expectations went south quickly.
I’m glad someone’s humorously pointing out the hypocrisy and absurdity of the Bush administration but that’s all it is: comedy. Bush is laughing all the way the Dick Cheney’s bank because the voice of dissention has been reduced to a half hour of comedy on a basic cable channel. Shit, Stewart can riff all he wants, it doesn’t change anyone’s mind. The people watching the Daily Show and getting off on the Bush bashing won’t do shit about it once South Park comes on. And that's just how Bush's gang likes it.
Dick Cheney is a great example. Sure he shot someone but the fact that everyone obsessed over it is just pathetic. Of all the evil, illegal, crappy things Cheney has done, the media is going to beat him up for shooting someone while hunting? Give me a break. People get shot all the time hunting. This isn’t shocking. And when Cheney tried to explain it was the dummy’s fault that he got shot (in true Bush Administration fashion) he was railed for it. You tell me, someone gets shot in the face and you don’t think they might have been in the wrong place at the wrong time? Jesus. I never thought I’d be defending DICK, but here I am.
The ass pounding Cheney has taken is just further evidence that the Democrats have nothing to offer. They have to beat this guy up over getting drunk and shooting some poor sap (like Ted Nugent hasn’t done that 20 times already) when he’s probably the most vile and corrupt politician since Boss Tweed and Boss Hogg combined. Please, don’t waste your time pondering the time line of the hunting accident when you could be investigating the countless Halliburton contracts awarded in Iraq that are lining DICK’s pockets right now.
Fucking Christ.
The Daily Show is a symptom of this. It’s a lazy way for armchair activists to get angry about the state of the world while never straying too far from the bong or the Cheeto bag. They laugh way too hard at weak Jon Stewart jokes and become indignant when GW displays just how fucking stupid he really is. But once the half hour is over, Bush keeps getting away with it, Comedy Central makes its money, and another liter of Pepsi is liberated from its bottle.
Please save your “But What Are You Doing?” bullshit anonymous posts. I don’t care. Jon Stewart (or his writers) are doing their part by at least being the only media outlet to comment on some of the jackassery going on. But it’s the people, by watching The Daily Show, who feel they’ve made a difference and that’s what’s wrong here. Today’s American can literally watch a TV show, laugh too hard at borderline unfunny jokes and feel they’ve done something to help the world.
It’s kind of like that one guy in the movie theater who’s laughing way too hard at the jokes in the film because he was told it was funny and feels that if he’s not laughing his ass off, he’s missing something. They figure if they laughed hardest, they care the most and were the only ones who “got it.” Well, you don’t “get it” do you? Daily Show viewers are just like that; I guess they’d rather laugh than getting their hands dirty with how fucked up our federal government is. And I can’t really blame them actually. Just don’t think they’re “doing something” by simply watching Jon Stewart mug for the camera.
And on that note, I just want to say that Lewis Black, The Daily Show commentator is the MOST UNFUNNY MAN in America. Why this sad sack of shit is still on this show, I will never understand. He sucks so bad it brings tears to my eyes if I can’t find the remote to get his dismal act off of my TV screen. The entire cast of MAD TV combined can’t equal the level of suckiness that Lewis Black spits up during every episode of The Daily Show…..but again, he’s getting plenty of laughs, so what does that tell you? That Americans have their head up their ass about yet another thing: comedy. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, there’s a reason why According to Jim is still on the air.
JR
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Savor the Flavor
I’m trying to type this with a bag of ice on my crotch because I pulled my groin playing hockey. I’ve gone awhile without getting injured so I’m pretty sure any old man jokes digs you have for me are moot. I am old, but I’m in ok shape even though I’m sore all the time; but I don’t admit that.
It’s funny though, there’s this old dude who plays in the same league and he looks a bit like a child molester. He’s an ok guy, he just looks creepy. He’s old or looks old. I’m 35, but this guy looks 48. The problem is whenever I play against his team or before his team, I happen to look over at the exact time he walks by naked to the shower. Every fucking time. I did it tonight and I told my buddy CP about it who thought it was hilarious. I’m pretty sure he was glad he didn’t see him naked because the image is ghastly. I’m beginning to feel he thinks I’m checking him out because I literally have seen him naked like 10 times in the last four months.
Typical locker room etiquette states that if you just happen to make eye contact with a naked man going to the shower, you look away casually like it’s no big deal. I’ve done that so many times with this guy he doesn’t buy it anymore. I don’t know why I just happen to be looking at the spot where he walks by, but it happens all the time.
The next time he’s around, I’m just looking straightforward until I know he’s done being naked. It’s a horrible sight and I would rather have two groin pulls than see him naked again.
But icing my crotch hasn’t stopped me from getting fired up about Flavor of Love. If you read my earlier post, I can’t get enough of Flavor of Love. It’s the best reality show on television. It has it all: Gold diggin’ bitches, hot naked skanks, and best of all, Flavor Flav. Flavor Flav should seriously be on a goddamn stamp.
The one crazy ass bitch “Hottie” got kicked off recently and was given the most unceremonious exit. Flav happened to catch her on old episode of “Blind Date” where she revealed her true self as the crazy, gold diggin’ bitch that she is. Seriously, this woman is nuts. When there was challenge to cook Flav fried chicken, she took a raw chicken, stuffed it with vegetables and put in the microwave for five minutes….and didn’t see anything wrong with that.
Flav figured she was trouble after seeing “Blind Date” and gave her the boot. The best part was, every time she was interviewed, she kept blinking her big, luscious lashed eyes. When she did, they put in a sound effect like a bike bell ringing. It was a masterstroke on the producers’ part and made her look even crazier; if that was possible. Cha-ching, cha-ching!
There was a great part where Flav told the girls they were going to meet some “old friends” of his. The girls went crazy saying, “we’re going to meet Public Enemy!” and put on their hoochiest of hoochie momma clothing. Well, Flav took them to some “old friends.” It was a retirement home and the girls had to put in false teeth and rub lotion on some very old and nasty feet. You won’t find comedy like that on Survivor, no fucking way.
So Flav’s got his hands full. He’s down to three girls: Pumpkin (bland, dumb white girl who looks like a poor, poor man’s Cameron Diaz), Hoopz (super hot, in shape, light skin black girl) and New York (the uber crazy, could be a man, too much make-up havin’ whatever she is).
I’m pretty sure Pumpkin blew Flav this week to keep herself around and the preview next week shows her and New York fighting; NY attacks pumpkin and pushes her past the camera crew. If there is a god, NY will end up on the Surreal Life and Corey Feldman will strangle her to death.
I mean, if you haven’t seen this, doesn’t it sound ridiculous? My description can’t do it the justice it deserves, so I would urge you to check it out, or fire up your TiVo so it’s waiting for you when you come home drunk some time next week.
The only thing that can make this better is if Chuck D shows up (doesn’t look like he’s going to, and Pumpkin wouldn’t know who he was anyway) and spat some lyrics of fury to see which woman could handle it. I think Pumpkin’s head was fall off, because she already admitted she doesn’t understand Flav’s “black slang.” Classic. I’m pulling for my girl Hoopz but I’m sure when Flavor Flav’s involved, anything can happen. Flavor Flav on the hype tip for sure.
JR
It’s funny though, there’s this old dude who plays in the same league and he looks a bit like a child molester. He’s an ok guy, he just looks creepy. He’s old or looks old. I’m 35, but this guy looks 48. The problem is whenever I play against his team or before his team, I happen to look over at the exact time he walks by naked to the shower. Every fucking time. I did it tonight and I told my buddy CP about it who thought it was hilarious. I’m pretty sure he was glad he didn’t see him naked because the image is ghastly. I’m beginning to feel he thinks I’m checking him out because I literally have seen him naked like 10 times in the last four months.
Typical locker room etiquette states that if you just happen to make eye contact with a naked man going to the shower, you look away casually like it’s no big deal. I’ve done that so many times with this guy he doesn’t buy it anymore. I don’t know why I just happen to be looking at the spot where he walks by, but it happens all the time.
The next time he’s around, I’m just looking straightforward until I know he’s done being naked. It’s a horrible sight and I would rather have two groin pulls than see him naked again.
But icing my crotch hasn’t stopped me from getting fired up about Flavor of Love. If you read my earlier post, I can’t get enough of Flavor of Love. It’s the best reality show on television. It has it all: Gold diggin’ bitches, hot naked skanks, and best of all, Flavor Flav. Flavor Flav should seriously be on a goddamn stamp.
The one crazy ass bitch “Hottie” got kicked off recently and was given the most unceremonious exit. Flav happened to catch her on old episode of “Blind Date” where she revealed her true self as the crazy, gold diggin’ bitch that she is. Seriously, this woman is nuts. When there was challenge to cook Flav fried chicken, she took a raw chicken, stuffed it with vegetables and put in the microwave for five minutes….and didn’t see anything wrong with that.
Flav figured she was trouble after seeing “Blind Date” and gave her the boot. The best part was, every time she was interviewed, she kept blinking her big, luscious lashed eyes. When she did, they put in a sound effect like a bike bell ringing. It was a masterstroke on the producers’ part and made her look even crazier; if that was possible. Cha-ching, cha-ching!
There was a great part where Flav told the girls they were going to meet some “old friends” of his. The girls went crazy saying, “we’re going to meet Public Enemy!” and put on their hoochiest of hoochie momma clothing. Well, Flav took them to some “old friends.” It was a retirement home and the girls had to put in false teeth and rub lotion on some very old and nasty feet. You won’t find comedy like that on Survivor, no fucking way.
So Flav’s got his hands full. He’s down to three girls: Pumpkin (bland, dumb white girl who looks like a poor, poor man’s Cameron Diaz), Hoopz (super hot, in shape, light skin black girl) and New York (the uber crazy, could be a man, too much make-up havin’ whatever she is).
I’m pretty sure Pumpkin blew Flav this week to keep herself around and the preview next week shows her and New York fighting; NY attacks pumpkin and pushes her past the camera crew. If there is a god, NY will end up on the Surreal Life and Corey Feldman will strangle her to death.
I mean, if you haven’t seen this, doesn’t it sound ridiculous? My description can’t do it the justice it deserves, so I would urge you to check it out, or fire up your TiVo so it’s waiting for you when you come home drunk some time next week.
The only thing that can make this better is if Chuck D shows up (doesn’t look like he’s going to, and Pumpkin wouldn’t know who he was anyway) and spat some lyrics of fury to see which woman could handle it. I think Pumpkin’s head was fall off, because she already admitted she doesn’t understand Flav’s “black slang.” Classic. I’m pulling for my girl Hoopz but I’m sure when Flavor Flav’s involved, anything can happen. Flavor Flav on the hype tip for sure.
JR
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Getting High On Fire
Speaking of High on Fire, the mighty metal band is playing tonight (friday feb 17th) at Cervantes in Denver.
I will be there, wearing earplugs because I've already had enough problems with my ears. Stop by and say hey....unless you hate me...then you probaby wouldn't be there anyway...but if you are there, well maybe you are a Satan worshipping metal fan after all. God...er...Satan bless you.
JR
I will be there, wearing earplugs because I've already had enough problems with my ears. Stop by and say hey....unless you hate me...then you probaby wouldn't be there anyway...but if you are there, well maybe you are a Satan worshipping metal fan after all. God...er...Satan bless you.
JR
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Arrested Development Rides Off Into the Sunset
Life sure as fuck isn’t fair. Genuinely good things goes unnoticed until they’re gone and the bad and mediocre get rewarded because people who don’t know their ass from a hole in Shitney Spear’s head get to make the decisions.
It’s become almost cliché to lament the passing of Fox’s Arrested Development. The awesome and destined to be classic half hour show was cancelled, presumably due to low ratings, even though it won an Emmy and achieved a near fanatical fan base. It was routine to hear myself, friends and family members say, “why is Arrested Development getting cancelled when (insert bad Fox show here) is still on?” My favorite shows to insert were The War At Home, a terrible waste of a half hour, and Prison Break. Talk about a Gilligan’s Island scenario; either they escape or not and the show’s over. Just a plain waste of everyone’s time. And very, very homoerotic from the look of the commercials, just like the OC.
My sister can’t believe Stacked, the Pam Anderson “laugh-fest” is still on instead of Arrested, and I’m pretty sure if you shaved some money off of Bill O’Reilly’s sexual harassment defense fund, there’d be some money left over to pay for Arrested Development’s production. Couldn’t have Fox spared us the abysmal Head Cases (which lasted like two episodes and I won a bet with my wife because it was cancelled…she claimed it would go a full season. Ha.) and the soon-to-be-cancelled, as soon-as-it-premiers because it looks terrible, The Loop?
I think that was the problem with Arrested Development. It probably cost more to make because it wasn’t done on a crappy sound stage. They actually shot a lot on location which can’t be cheap. The War At Home is done on one, maybe two sets and they got writers from the local community college to send in jokes for added savings. They saved even more money by getting photos of Michael Rappaport blowing Spike Lee and blackmailed him into to doing the show for free. That’s the only reason I could come up with as to why he would be involved with something sooooo shitty.
Married: With Children, the epic Fox sitcom was filmed on a few sets and still became a classic American comedy (seriously, I believe this). But what other sitcoms do you remember being on Fox during the time it was on? The Simpsons? Was there anything else that stood the test of time? No, because Fox has a long track record of putting out crap and not recognizing when it has something good.
Arrested Development is probably gone for good. There were grumblings that it could go to another network or Showtime, but I don’t think those rumors have panned out. It’s a shame because it was by far the best written comedy on TV in a long while. Was it too sophisticated for the bland American palette? I think so. The fact that the According to Jim, Yes Dear, and The King of Queens are still on proves that.
So for the same reason Asslee Simpson sells a lot of records and Martin Lawrence still makes movies, Arrested Development has gone the way of the dodo. The lesson here is enjoy it while it lasts because no matter how much talent and creative juice you have in a project, it won’t matter when Skating With Bruce Jenner’s Plastic Surgery Disaster pulls in more ratings. Vaya con dios, Arrested Development.
Epilogue to this post: William Hung (the spectacular failure of American Idol) was on one of the final episodes of Arrested. William Hung and the Hung Jury was his band name I think. Anyway, I’ve got a great William Hung story that I’ll share with you next time.
JR
It’s become almost cliché to lament the passing of Fox’s Arrested Development. The awesome and destined to be classic half hour show was cancelled, presumably due to low ratings, even though it won an Emmy and achieved a near fanatical fan base. It was routine to hear myself, friends and family members say, “why is Arrested Development getting cancelled when (insert bad Fox show here) is still on?” My favorite shows to insert were The War At Home, a terrible waste of a half hour, and Prison Break. Talk about a Gilligan’s Island scenario; either they escape or not and the show’s over. Just a plain waste of everyone’s time. And very, very homoerotic from the look of the commercials, just like the OC.
My sister can’t believe Stacked, the Pam Anderson “laugh-fest” is still on instead of Arrested, and I’m pretty sure if you shaved some money off of Bill O’Reilly’s sexual harassment defense fund, there’d be some money left over to pay for Arrested Development’s production. Couldn’t have Fox spared us the abysmal Head Cases (which lasted like two episodes and I won a bet with my wife because it was cancelled…she claimed it would go a full season. Ha.) and the soon-to-be-cancelled, as soon-as-it-premiers because it looks terrible, The Loop?
I think that was the problem with Arrested Development. It probably cost more to make because it wasn’t done on a crappy sound stage. They actually shot a lot on location which can’t be cheap. The War At Home is done on one, maybe two sets and they got writers from the local community college to send in jokes for added savings. They saved even more money by getting photos of Michael Rappaport blowing Spike Lee and blackmailed him into to doing the show for free. That’s the only reason I could come up with as to why he would be involved with something sooooo shitty.
Married: With Children, the epic Fox sitcom was filmed on a few sets and still became a classic American comedy (seriously, I believe this). But what other sitcoms do you remember being on Fox during the time it was on? The Simpsons? Was there anything else that stood the test of time? No, because Fox has a long track record of putting out crap and not recognizing when it has something good.
Arrested Development is probably gone for good. There were grumblings that it could go to another network or Showtime, but I don’t think those rumors have panned out. It’s a shame because it was by far the best written comedy on TV in a long while. Was it too sophisticated for the bland American palette? I think so. The fact that the According to Jim, Yes Dear, and The King of Queens are still on proves that.
So for the same reason Asslee Simpson sells a lot of records and Martin Lawrence still makes movies, Arrested Development has gone the way of the dodo. The lesson here is enjoy it while it lasts because no matter how much talent and creative juice you have in a project, it won’t matter when Skating With Bruce Jenner’s Plastic Surgery Disaster pulls in more ratings. Vaya con dios, Arrested Development.
Epilogue to this post: William Hung (the spectacular failure of American Idol) was on one of the final episodes of Arrested. William Hung and the Hung Jury was his band name I think. Anyway, I’ve got a great William Hung story that I’ll share with you next time.
JR
Thursday, February 09, 2006
The Grammy's...or the Hammy's because it's all fat and salt
I don’t have to tell you that the Grammy’s stink like bunghole. Anyone with even a half way decent musical taste knows that the Grammy’s are just a music industry wank off that doesn’t truly reflect who put out the best music last year. It’s all about sales and what the dullards will sit and listen to dozens of times a day. Yeah, some will argue that if someone sells a lot of music, it means a lot of people listen to it. Sure. But have you ever seen what the people who buy Mariah Carey or new U2 albums look like? These people look characters from an old John Waters movie…scratch that; those people probably even have better music taste.
Music taste is all in the ear of the beholder I guess. Where one person is into the Decemberists, another is into Suckjan Stevens. Now I hate Suckjan, but if you’re into him, you’re probably smart enough to like some other good stuff. If you bought the latest Black Eyed Peas album, you’re probably wearing an adult diaper.
I took a look at the Grammy winners because I would rather have the rough end of a coax cable shoved up my pee hole than sit through that shit. Here’s what I came up with.
Record of the Year: "Boulevard of Broken Dreams," Green Day.
-It’s not that I don't mind this newer Green Day stuff; it’s just that it’s so weird to see these guys getting Grammy’s. A lot of teenagers bought this and while that’s fine, you probably want to be selling to teens when you’re closer to their own age.
Male R&B Vocal Performance: "Ordinary People," John Legend.
-I’ve heard the name, but have never heard the music. How is that? Wouldn’t R Kelly have been up for this award? That’s who would get my vote.
Pop Vocal Album: "Breakaway," Kelly Clarkson.
-Any time a TV created pop star starts winning awards, it's sad and alarming. Did the Monkees win any Grammy’s? They should have, they had some pretty good songs and with none of the pretension of being a star that stinks up Clarkson.
Rap/Sung Collaboration: "Numb/Encore," Jay-Z featuring Linkin Park.
-Jay Z’s cred took a serious hit when he hooked up with these whiny pussies. Linkin Park is one of the worst rap/nu metal/whine rock groups to ever spray their feces onto the radio. Did Jay Z not know these guys sucked so bad when he agreed to do it? Hell, why doesn’t he just record an album with Limp Bizkit next? It’s just as bad.
Song of the Year: "Sometimes You Can't Make It on Your Own," U2.
-Will someone please stop feeding U2’s ego? U2 hasn’t done anything worth a shit in years and years. Their Ipod commercial (which is the only reason anyone heard anything new by U2 in years) was pretty good, but of all the music that was released last year, U2 is the only group you can think of to give an award?
Female Pop Vocal Performance: "Since U Been Gone," Kelly Clarkson.
-Again, a media created singer who is only in there because they couldn’t think of anyone else to give it to.
Country Album: "Lonely Runs Both Ways," Alison Krauss and Union Station.
-Wait. A country award that doesn’t go to some jerk named Chesney or Toby? What the fuck?
Rap Album: "Late Registration," Kanye West.
-I don’t like him and I’m sure there’s better hi- hop that came out last year but he’s the only black guy the retards voting on the Grammy’s could think of doing that rap music. Notice it says “rap” and not hip-hop. Just shows you how out of touch they really are.
Rock Album: "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb," U2.
-Rock? Seriously? Again, they couldn’t think of anyone else. They might as well call this the “Default” award.
Rap Solo Performance: "Gold Digger," Kanye West.
-I’ll give this one to them. As far as a single goes, it was pretty good. But I can’t help but think he gets votes because he looks like the CEO of a company and not like he just got released from a maximum-security facility.
Rap Performance by a Duo or Group: "Don't Phunk With My Heart," The Black Eyed Peas.
-Oh man. These guys are such a joke. They already have turned themselves into cartoon versions of themselves with their Best Buy ads and they can only sink further and further into ridiculousness from here. Their music is for brain dead morons who can still tap their toe and they need clever song titles just to detract from their bland hip-hop. Remember the crazy looking dudes from Hammer’s posse back in the 80’s? The Black Eyed Peas will look just as stupid 10 years from now.
Rap Song: "Diamonds From Sierra Leone," D. Harris and Kanye West.
-This is the best “rap” song? Surely there has been a better song than this. Kanye’s “Gold Digger was better than this shit. Again, they couldn’t find another black guy, so they had to go with this. Even that Laffy Taffy song is better than this.
Solo Rock Vocal Performance: "Devils & Dust," Bruce Springsteen.
-Eh, I like Bruce so much better now than I did in the 80’s that I don’t mind him getting an award. But like the Academy Awards, why not reward him for his good work and not a token award later on?
Rock Performance by a Duo or Group With Vocal: "Sometimes You Can't Make It on Your Own," U2.
-Please. I’m sick of writing about how lame this is.
Hard Rock Performance: "B.Y.O.B.," System of a Down.
-What’s the difference between Rock and Hard Rock. And why wasn’t TurboNegro nominated? System of a Down is just too “jokey” for me. Too goofy. There are tons of bad ass hard rock bands playing right now and System isn’t one of them.
Metal Performance: "Before I Forget," Slipknot.
-The only Metal band other than Metallica and Jethro Tull that the Grammy committee has heard of apparently. And the first two didn’t put out albums last year, so Slipknot gets the nod. How utterly shameful when High On Fire released Blessed Black Wings this past year. That album would tear the monster masks off all the members of Slipknot and melt Courtney Love’s plastic surgery into a pool at her feet. Now that’s metal.
Rock Song: "City of Blinding Lights, U2, (U2).
-Are they just handing out awards to be handing out awards? Did they just go through the track list on U2’s album and say, “yeah, that one sounds good.” What a crock of shit.
Alternative Music Album: "Get Behind Me Satan," The White Stripes.
-Oh yeah, here we go. Now it’s time for the “alternative” awards. Never heard of anyone else obviously. I like the White Stripes but did they really deserve this award for that album, or did the Grammy committee just ask some intern what alternative bands there were? When he listed the White Stripes as one of them, someone probably spoke up and said,“yeah, that one I’ve heard of!” If they’ve heard of a group in this category, it’s in because they couldn’t be bothered to go out and listen to anything else. Spoon put out a better “alternative” album as did Beck and Clap Your Hands, and the Shout Out Louds….the list goes on. But no one on the committee had heard of those guys right?
Female R&B Vocal Performance: "We Belong Together," Mariah Carey.
-She was supposed to sweep the Grammy’s but she came up short. By all rights she released a comeback album of sorts that if you’re into her, was supposed to be good, yet she gets killed by U2 who continue to mail it in. Do you think her famous melt down and foray into the movie business is all the Grammy people could remember? They do live in the past, so it’s very possible.
R&B Performance by a Duo or Group With Vocals: "So Amazing," Beyonce and Stevie Wonder.
-Does anyone know what this is?
Traditional R&B Vocal Performance: "A House Is Not a Home," Aretha Franklin.
-Shameful, token award for a legitimate legend. I hope she took the award and threw it into the crowd screaming “fuck you!”
Urban/Alternative Performance: "Welcome to Jamrock," Damian Marley.
-Of all the albums listed here, this was by far the best thing to come out. This album should have won album of the year because it’s seriously that good. But no. It’s relegated to Urban/Alternative (whatever the fuck that is) because it’s in a genre that doesn’t sell well in the U.S. The fact that it made it at all is surprising but it was such a good album, it probably couldn’t have been denied. But again, a truly great album gets the shaft and U2 is smirking all the way to the bank. Unfair, unbalanced and unethical. The Grammy’s, just like life.
JR
Music taste is all in the ear of the beholder I guess. Where one person is into the Decemberists, another is into Suckjan Stevens. Now I hate Suckjan, but if you’re into him, you’re probably smart enough to like some other good stuff. If you bought the latest Black Eyed Peas album, you’re probably wearing an adult diaper.
I took a look at the Grammy winners because I would rather have the rough end of a coax cable shoved up my pee hole than sit through that shit. Here’s what I came up with.
Record of the Year: "Boulevard of Broken Dreams," Green Day.
-It’s not that I don't mind this newer Green Day stuff; it’s just that it’s so weird to see these guys getting Grammy’s. A lot of teenagers bought this and while that’s fine, you probably want to be selling to teens when you’re closer to their own age.
Male R&B Vocal Performance: "Ordinary People," John Legend.
-I’ve heard the name, but have never heard the music. How is that? Wouldn’t R Kelly have been up for this award? That’s who would get my vote.
Pop Vocal Album: "Breakaway," Kelly Clarkson.
-Any time a TV created pop star starts winning awards, it's sad and alarming. Did the Monkees win any Grammy’s? They should have, they had some pretty good songs and with none of the pretension of being a star that stinks up Clarkson.
Rap/Sung Collaboration: "Numb/Encore," Jay-Z featuring Linkin Park.
-Jay Z’s cred took a serious hit when he hooked up with these whiny pussies. Linkin Park is one of the worst rap/nu metal/whine rock groups to ever spray their feces onto the radio. Did Jay Z not know these guys sucked so bad when he agreed to do it? Hell, why doesn’t he just record an album with Limp Bizkit next? It’s just as bad.
Song of the Year: "Sometimes You Can't Make It on Your Own," U2.
-Will someone please stop feeding U2’s ego? U2 hasn’t done anything worth a shit in years and years. Their Ipod commercial (which is the only reason anyone heard anything new by U2 in years) was pretty good, but of all the music that was released last year, U2 is the only group you can think of to give an award?
Female Pop Vocal Performance: "Since U Been Gone," Kelly Clarkson.
-Again, a media created singer who is only in there because they couldn’t think of anyone else to give it to.
Country Album: "Lonely Runs Both Ways," Alison Krauss and Union Station.
-Wait. A country award that doesn’t go to some jerk named Chesney or Toby? What the fuck?
Rap Album: "Late Registration," Kanye West.
-I don’t like him and I’m sure there’s better hi- hop that came out last year but he’s the only black guy the retards voting on the Grammy’s could think of doing that rap music. Notice it says “rap” and not hip-hop. Just shows you how out of touch they really are.
Rock Album: "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb," U2.
-Rock? Seriously? Again, they couldn’t think of anyone else. They might as well call this the “Default” award.
Rap Solo Performance: "Gold Digger," Kanye West.
-I’ll give this one to them. As far as a single goes, it was pretty good. But I can’t help but think he gets votes because he looks like the CEO of a company and not like he just got released from a maximum-security facility.
Rap Performance by a Duo or Group: "Don't Phunk With My Heart," The Black Eyed Peas.
-Oh man. These guys are such a joke. They already have turned themselves into cartoon versions of themselves with their Best Buy ads and they can only sink further and further into ridiculousness from here. Their music is for brain dead morons who can still tap their toe and they need clever song titles just to detract from their bland hip-hop. Remember the crazy looking dudes from Hammer’s posse back in the 80’s? The Black Eyed Peas will look just as stupid 10 years from now.
Rap Song: "Diamonds From Sierra Leone," D. Harris and Kanye West.
-This is the best “rap” song? Surely there has been a better song than this. Kanye’s “Gold Digger was better than this shit. Again, they couldn’t find another black guy, so they had to go with this. Even that Laffy Taffy song is better than this.
Solo Rock Vocal Performance: "Devils & Dust," Bruce Springsteen.
-Eh, I like Bruce so much better now than I did in the 80’s that I don’t mind him getting an award. But like the Academy Awards, why not reward him for his good work and not a token award later on?
Rock Performance by a Duo or Group With Vocal: "Sometimes You Can't Make It on Your Own," U2.
-Please. I’m sick of writing about how lame this is.
Hard Rock Performance: "B.Y.O.B.," System of a Down.
-What’s the difference between Rock and Hard Rock. And why wasn’t TurboNegro nominated? System of a Down is just too “jokey” for me. Too goofy. There are tons of bad ass hard rock bands playing right now and System isn’t one of them.
Metal Performance: "Before I Forget," Slipknot.
-The only Metal band other than Metallica and Jethro Tull that the Grammy committee has heard of apparently. And the first two didn’t put out albums last year, so Slipknot gets the nod. How utterly shameful when High On Fire released Blessed Black Wings this past year. That album would tear the monster masks off all the members of Slipknot and melt Courtney Love’s plastic surgery into a pool at her feet. Now that’s metal.
Rock Song: "City of Blinding Lights, U2, (U2).
-Are they just handing out awards to be handing out awards? Did they just go through the track list on U2’s album and say, “yeah, that one sounds good.” What a crock of shit.
Alternative Music Album: "Get Behind Me Satan," The White Stripes.
-Oh yeah, here we go. Now it’s time for the “alternative” awards. Never heard of anyone else obviously. I like the White Stripes but did they really deserve this award for that album, or did the Grammy committee just ask some intern what alternative bands there were? When he listed the White Stripes as one of them, someone probably spoke up and said,“yeah, that one I’ve heard of!” If they’ve heard of a group in this category, it’s in because they couldn’t be bothered to go out and listen to anything else. Spoon put out a better “alternative” album as did Beck and Clap Your Hands, and the Shout Out Louds….the list goes on. But no one on the committee had heard of those guys right?
Female R&B Vocal Performance: "We Belong Together," Mariah Carey.
-She was supposed to sweep the Grammy’s but she came up short. By all rights she released a comeback album of sorts that if you’re into her, was supposed to be good, yet she gets killed by U2 who continue to mail it in. Do you think her famous melt down and foray into the movie business is all the Grammy people could remember? They do live in the past, so it’s very possible.
R&B Performance by a Duo or Group With Vocals: "So Amazing," Beyonce and Stevie Wonder.
-Does anyone know what this is?
Traditional R&B Vocal Performance: "A House Is Not a Home," Aretha Franklin.
-Shameful, token award for a legitimate legend. I hope she took the award and threw it into the crowd screaming “fuck you!”
Urban/Alternative Performance: "Welcome to Jamrock," Damian Marley.
-Of all the albums listed here, this was by far the best thing to come out. This album should have won album of the year because it’s seriously that good. But no. It’s relegated to Urban/Alternative (whatever the fuck that is) because it’s in a genre that doesn’t sell well in the U.S. The fact that it made it at all is surprising but it was such a good album, it probably couldn’t have been denied. But again, a truly great album gets the shaft and U2 is smirking all the way to the bank. Unfair, unbalanced and unethical. The Grammy’s, just like life.
JR
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