Fall Out Boys sucks my Butthole: How to drive traffic to your website or blog

I wrote a piece about Fall Out Boy sucking a long, long time ago (Selling Out: Fall Out Boy...a one man band?) and I’ve been getting all sorts of crybaby 14 year olds writing in to tell me I’m wrong and that I “obviously don't know the meaning to their lyrics.”

Well, I do understand Fall Out Boy. I understand its fans at least. Anyone claiming to love this band and who would go to such great lengths to reply to a random post with such nonsense like their lyrics “are probably too deep for your puny, little minds to understand” should never be taken seriously in such matters like music. Maybe in matters like which Dorito flavor is best, but not music.

They are also the non-makeup and slightly less bad skin equivalent to any fan of any variation of the Insane Clown Posse. Yes, that’s right: by proclaiming your love of Fall Out Boy, you just lumped yourselves in with that stinky breed of music fan that, no matter how bad the music is, you’ll ride it straight into the ground until it either becomes totally uncool to like it or you become too old to be forgiven for liking that particular brand of shit. If you’re a 28 year old Fall Out Boy fan, you have no excuse and will be that creepy dude at the 2012 reunion show who no one wants to look in the eye.

But don’t take my words for it, here’s what some Fall Out Boy fans have to say about it!

Anonymous said...

“If they have shitty music, then why did you spend all that time complaining about them? All they want is your attention and apparently, they are getting it. So what if they make bad music, they only want every eye on them, and I will agree that Pete Wentz, (the man at the front of the pictures) is selling out. But I don't blame him. As much as I LOVE Fall Out Boy, it will not last forever, so when it all ends, he will still bring home money from his clothing line and record label. People like you don't matter at all when it comes to Fall Out Boy. They have their fan base and as long as they do, the will continue to make what you would say, bad music as long as they can. And Mr. Wentz writes amazing songs. So you know, I am a 14-year-old emo Fall Out Boy fan.”


14 year olds don’t know shit about music. We all know this. If Fall Out Boy’s fanbase is made up entirely of 14 year olds, can they really be taken seriously? If you want to sell cell phones they can be! Hey you adolescent dunce, please do some research on “emo” before you call yourself that. Fall Out Boy might be wusses, but they are not emo. Calling the punk rock Backstreet Boys “emo” is an insult to the true emo bands of yore. i.e. 80’s D.C. music scene.

and this one:

Anonymous said...

you know what? Fuck you all!FOB actually has very good songs that are probably too deep for your puny, little minds to understand.

Awesome.

Fall Out At The Disco said:

wow you people no nothing. well most of you. fall out boy is a fucking good band. you obviously don't know the meaning to their lyrics...cause they are definatly not for little kids. So what if im 14 and i do kno 27 year olds that listen to them. If pete said anything negative about jocks people like that he was probably talking about highschool. And it's not like he chooses to be in the front all the time. Photographers put him there. They're not just about money. They give back so much. They went to Africa(might still be there)for Invisible Children. If you don't know what that is...look it up. They love their fans and they probably do know that a lot of fans are around 14 but that nots it. My mom likes some of their music. AND IF YOU DON'T FUCKING LISTEN TO FALL OUT BOY OR CARE ABOUT THEM IN ANY WAY THEN WHY THE FUCK WASTE YOUR TIME WRITING THIS! Yes I'm 14. This age discrimination shit is stupid. Their music helps so many people including me get through some things because their music makes me smile and I know they're there for us and we'll always be here for them. They don't deserve shit like this from people like you. They've worked hard to come to where they are today. I think I've said all I need to say.

Not only is this douchebag another 14 know-it-all, but their blogspot name is “Fall Out At The Disco” which leads me to believe that they are not only a fan of Fall Out Boy but the even worse band, Panic at the Disco….my god they suck. I could write 1,000 words on how bad they are alone, but this is about Fall Out Boy so…if the majority of people who buy these records and go to the shows are 14…I think that makes them a kiddie band. If a 27 year old likes them, well, that person is a socially retarded moron. They might have started out as one thing, but once they discovered who was buying records and tickets, they opened up the throttle and never looked back. It’s ok to be a teeny bopper band, just admit it. By the way, it’s great that someone does charity work, but it doesn’t make someone a better person and it certainly doesn’t make their music better. 99% of the time it’s a PR move. Charity by famous people is suspect at best. Have you given to Invisible Children from your allowance? Probably not.

Here’s a gem:

Anonymous said...
they know what they are. or at least they used to. after all, before fall out boy they used to play in hardcore bands and decided to make a pop punk band for a laugh. I think pete wentz just takes himself too seriously these days and likes to pretend they're more than they are and that he's more than he is.

If Fall Out Boy were in “hardcore” bands and “decided to make a pop punk band for a laugh” I’ll lick the drummer’s (he’s not called Pete Wentz) balls. So, guess what? I’m not licking anyone’s balls because what this dummy said is laughably not true. You gotta be a real sell out to have played in “hardcore” bands and then come up with this shit “as a joke.” So which one is it? It’s very convenient that the band they are now was a “joke” band until it became successful. Really? That’s your explanation? That is seriously the most pathetic excuse since Pete Wentz woke up with Ashley Simpson’s cock in his ass.

Anonymous said...
wow you seriusly have no life why waste your time on writing about a band you hate so much? especially if u have no logic of the things they do yes i am a fall out boy fan and i do think they are a great band despite what u say i think that ur whole age thing is crazy i know plenty of people over the age of 14! who like this band and yes im over the age of 14 and you saying that they will only last a couple more years is crazy incase u didnt know theyre doing well with theyre recodrs theyre not just a one hit wonder band that only apeals to "little kids"

Really? Are you sure you’re over 14? Your amazing grasp of the English language tells me otherwise. You must be 15 or 16 which is exactly what Fall Out Boy’s accountant told them is their target demographic. Don't forget to buy a cell phone please.

Liv said...
Fall Out Boy is not a boy band, dude. Okay, N'Sync and Backstreet Boys, etc, they're boy bands. They have five "hot" guys that all have "swooning" voices. Those are boy bands.

Have you seen Fall Out Boy? Patrick Stump, I think a pretty good song writer, is kinda chubby and c'mon, your first impresssion: "Nerd!" [No doubt, I fucking love Patrick Stump]
Pete Wentz, yah he's of course the hotty of the band and bi. If there were five of him, then i would say "yah they are kinda of a boy band"
Andy. Andy an awesome drummer is a nerdy looking guy with tats that kill. His hair is shaggy and he has a little beard.

And for god sakes, JOE TROHMAN! His look totally goes against boy band. His beard and little white afro makes him look like he smokes weed once a month, haha.

So dude, don't call Fall Out Boy a boy band.

Oh man! I forgot about JOE TROHMAN! How could I have been so stupid. If I had just thought of JOE TROHMAN before I wrote this, I would have had a different perspective. Seriously, JOE TROHMAN could just be a made up name. The whole point of the original post is that no one knows anyone in this band other than that sneering monkey name Pete Wentz. If the record company had their way, it would be Wentz performing live and in the videos with a bunch of robots or hot models. No one cares about the rest of those ugly bastards because at this point, they don’t matter. JOE TROHMAN DOESN’T MATTER. PATRICK STUMP DOESN’T MATTER. WHOEVER ELSE IS IN THE BAND DOESN’T MATTER.

This is a one man band, loved by children and totally over hyped. They might as well be The Wiggles, but I can’t say that because I have so much more respect for The Wiggles, I can’t degrade them by comparing them to these talentless assholes. Put on a some pretty colored outfits Fall Out Boy and we’ll talk. And for all you Defenders of Fall Out Boy (DoFOB if you wanna use that), you should check out High School Musical; it may lack the eyeliner and designer hoodies, but it’s no different from your Fall Out Boy…it’s just as shitty and corporate…and made specifically for teenagers.

Thanks for writing. You’re starting high school soon, so hit the books. Check out John Lydon's Rotten: No Irish, No Blacks, No Dogs for an example of someone who actually busted his ass for his music. Pete Wentz is George Michael compared to John Lydon.

JR

Trent Reznor opens his mouth and shit DOESN'T fall out

I never, ever thought I’d have something in common with Trent Reznor, but lo and behold, ol’ Trent actually had something good to say.

Sure it was about the Smashing Pumpkins (an easy target), but nevertheless, I was pleased that he sees it my way. Here’s what I had to say about Billy and co. in the print issue of War Time Smile, and here’s what Trent had to say:

Reznor told NME.COM: "I was never a big Smashing Pumpkins fan back when they were the Pumpkins, not to shit on Billy (Corgan) or anything but I don't hear anything that would make me want to care.

"I think trying to resurrect the name Smashing Pumpkins .........its all a bit corporate for me."

Awesome. I couldn’t agree more Trent. I guess one washed up 90’s icon knows another.

Here’s the link:

http://www.nme.com/news/nine-inch-nails/30619

JR