The Killers: Sam’s Town: a casino I would never go to: an album I’m glad I didn’t buy

I was just going to simply write a review of The Killers new album Sam’s Town but I was so moved by its mediocrity and the constant stream of bullshit coming out of the front man’s mouth that I had to go the extra mile. And you should know by now, that extra mile is long and hard like Madonna’s penis.

I absolutely loved The Killers debut Hot Fuss. It’s a modern day pop classic. And despite the fact the The O.C./MTV set got their nasty little fingers all over it, it stands up as a fantastic record. So I was thrilled when I had word that the band was working hard on their second album.

But then tidbits of info came dribbling in that had me concerned. First, Bono was giving The Killers advice and then singer Waylon Flowers started to open his big ugly mouth. Flowers was quoted as saying that the album they were working on (which would become Sam’s Town) was “one the best albums of the past 20 years.” When I read that, I just about shit my pants. You never say something like that and even if you truly believe it, you wait until a few more people agree with you before claiming it and looking like the fucking ego maniac you are.

Flowers couldn’t stop there. He publicly feuded with bands that were far beneath his. He made grand claims about how The Killers were better than Fall Out Boy and some other shit eaters like The Bravery. Seriously, do you have to open your mouth and claim you’re better than Fall Out Boy? That’s like stopping your car and getting out at an intersection to yell at a homeless guy about how you’ve got a job and you washed your ass today. It’s pointless. The Killers MADE one of the best records to come in the last 10 years in Hot Fuss, so why be concerned with bands (Fall Out Boy and The Bravery) that no one will remember in another 10? It all just reeks of insecurity and a fading belief that Flowers himself has talent.

Or maybe he knew Sam’s Town was going to be the stinker that it is?

He made up with Fall Out Boy rapidly before the album came out. Maybe he needed to circle his wagons to maintain maximum support for this dubious release. He kept his mouth shut…until after it was released.

The album itself isn’t a complete waste. It’s not the career killer that other heavily hyped freshman has crapped out in their sophomore effort. But it is disappointing. I again was tipped off that something wasn’t right when I heard the first single “When You Were Young.” It’s not bad but as far as the first single from the “best album in 20 years” goes, it really falters.

I didn’t pay for this album as I mentioned in the title of the post because my friend Eric (who gave me a copy of the first album) had downloaded it when it came out. He gave me a copy and I proceeded to play it non stop. After two listens, I wondered if Eric had downloaded it correctly. The song order seems horribly out of whack and I went back and checked what the correct order was online and found out that Eric had done it right. Listening to Sam’s Town, it sounds like whoever chose the track listing was either incredibly high or incredibly high on himself: looking at you Waylon Flowers.

(Note: I know his name is Brandon Flowers but I prefer to call him the gay ventriloquist whose puppet was that creepy old lady named Madame….come to think of it, I think this douche should go solo, buy the puppet from the Waylon Flowers estate and call himself Brandon Flowers and Madame. Couldn’t hurt at this point.)

Since Flowers is a Mormon, something he lets everyone within earshot know, I don’t think he was high; so I have to think he’s incredibly high on himself. If he was the one who put these tracks together, he deserves all the shit. The way this album plays is like a mixed tape put together by a deaf crack whore. It simply does not work.

There are some good tracks on here, and The Killers have come up with moments where they seem to be getting it in gear, but it’s done in by the unfortunate track sequencing and some bland songwriting…more on the shoulders of Flowers.

So the album comes out and Flowers starts to open his mouth again. He’s complaining about Green Day and their American Idiot DVD that was filmed in Britain. I think any artist that goes to another country to sell their anti-Bush sentiment is pretty cowardly. The Dixie Chicks knew they couldn’t go on stage in Texas and call Bush out, so they went to England and dissed him. Yeah, pretty radical ladies. The bulk of Europe hates Bush so you figured you had a receptive audience. That wouldn’t play here and if you did do that in America, you could have kissed your careers goodbye. The only thing that has kept them around is that they said it in another country. To me it’s completely cowardly. I love what they said, but saying it in England is like taunting someone when you’ve got three people keeping you separated. It’s just wussy.

So Green Day filmed their American Idiot DVD in England, and Flowers got all upset because he believed it was un-American because the reaction of the audience to the lyrics. First of all, I don’t need Waylon Flowers talking to me about patriotism. He should get back in the studio and make up for “the best album of the past 20 years” instead of lecturing me about being an American. Second, I would reckon that Green Day would get that reaction from their audience no matter where they played. This isn’t the Dixie Chicks who completely sold out their fan base by what they said. No, Green Day’s fans, no matter where they live, are probably down with a little anti-Bush sentiment. The fact still remains that The Killers front man is commenting on this and someone is writing it down. I’m reading it and wondering how I could be better spending my time.

It really goes without saying that this mother fucker should keep his goddamn mouth shut. I think you earn the right to talk shit and this guy has not earned anything with the release of Sam’s Town. It seems that he kept his mouth moving before it was released, then shut up for awhile as it was being released. He realized he put out a sub par second album and then decided to cover this fact up by flapping his lips again. I pay (or not I guess) to hear what this fuck head has to say on his album, not while he’s contemplating the obvious about how much Panic at the Disco sucks. If he spent half the energy he used to blow farts out of his mouth and put that into making Sam’s Town, his ridiculous grand standing might not even be an issue. When people talk shit in our society AND they deliver, we never say a word against them. It’s when they puff themselves up and deliver like a drunken 50 year old without his Viagra that we publicly flay them and refuse to buy anything they’re selling.

I think a lot people probably bought Sam’s Town thinking it was going to deliver but slowly realized (as they scanned the receipt seeing if they could return it) that it’s a lot of hot air propped up by hype and one man’s delusion that it’s the “best of the past 20 years” (I love typing that).

History should prove that Sam’s Town didn’t deliver the promise of the band’s front man. And that front man may end up being about as hollow as the puppet he will eventually call his partner when he inevitably goes solo. Thanks for fucking us in the ass and taking our money (or not).

JR