Wednesday, February 27, 2008

We have a new winner

This just in: The mohawk on kids has replaced the mullet as the new white trash haircut.

The next time you go out take a look around and see all the kids with mohawks. The common denominator? The kid's parents are typically slobby, white trash. You never see well dressed, or hip parents with kids who have mohawks.

I don't know why the lower classes have adopted this hair style for their kids but it really has to cease. Please stop imposing your lame hair cuts on your kids. They don't know any better, and it doesn't make them look cool.

I've been thinking about this for awhile and after just seeing a CNN story about a kid who had been kicked out of school for his mohawk, I felt it needed to be written down. In the story, the kid was kicked out of school because his mohawk was a distraction and the school didn't want him to have it. The parent (parent of the year I think CNN said) defended it by saying there was nothing in the rules about mohawks. They also said they would move him to another school instead of cutting it off....yes, move him to another school over a haircut.

Look, if you're a teenager and you choose to look a certain way that is controversial, I'm all for your right to look that way. But this is a kid who doesn't know shit. The parent is the one who wants this haircut because he/she thinks it makes them look cool. "Hey everybody! Look how cool my kid looks! Makes me look cool too right?" Not with that NASCAR shirt and crappy goatee it doesn't buddy.

So, yeah, if you want to uproot your kid, take him away from his friends and teach him to just move on to the next place once someone tells you 'no', go right ahead. He'll be moving on a lot in his life...with no friends and a stupid fucking haircut.

And isn't the mohawk really just an 80's haircut anyway? The mullet is essentially an 80's haircut but if you wore a mohawk in the 80's you got into fights. Now that the mullet has been declared "uncool," I guess it's only natural that a haircut that was so "uncool" during the mullet's zenith be popular now.

So a message to you dear reader: the next time you're out, look for the kids' mohawk. Then look for his white trash mom basking in that mohawk's reflected glory.

And a message to all you white trash, basking in that reflected glory: there's something else you can do for your dumb kid other than giving them a haircut that sets them apart for all the wrong reasons...prepare them for their future in the fast food industry by buying them a hair net to go with their cool haircut.


No comments: