I guess writing a piece about someone else’s blog is kind of strange. Isn’t that what the comment section is for? Well, when the sanctity of TV is called into question, I feel a strong need to dedicate valuable resources to defending its honor.
Television is like America: Evil and corrupt. Sneaky and foul. Always trying to get into your mind and sell you some crap. Just the very reason why our society seems to be falling apart on a daily basis. TV is one of the main roots of our societal problems and a direct cause of our apathy as lazy-assed American consumers.
With that said, TV is also a glowing comfort. It’s a savior from our daily mental woes. A way to drift off for a few hours at a time, gently rocking us into a state of calm and whimsy. You can be entertained, informed, enraged or just plain zombified by what’s offered on the boobus toobus. In short, TV FUCKING RULES.
If you don’t know TV is simultaneously evil and wonderful, you are the sheep that TV leads to the slaughter. You are the person who is being bombarded with ads and don’t know it. You are the person who a TV executive would describe as a “wet dream.”
Chances are, if you’re reading this, you don’t fall into this category. You’re probably a lot like me: grew up watching a lot of TV, yet fully understand how full of shit it really is.
I read this post about canceling cable from this snooty, up their own ass, anti-TV person.
In it, this person talks about how bad TV is and questions whether they should be paying for cable. They cancel cable and instantly lose weight…..Lose weight? How fat were you that you lost weight just by not watching TV? The First rule of TV watching should be: If you’re a big fat ass, you need to exercise before you sit down to watch TV. Makes sense to me.
This person went on to say that they couldn’t justify spending $50 a month on cable when all they watched was The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Hold the motherfucking phone! Did you just read that? The Daily Show and The Colbert Report is the ONLY thing they watch on cable. I just about shit when I read this. If, among the many things to watch on cable television, you’re only watching Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, you are fucking douchebag.
I like both of those guys (Colbert’s turn as Mr. Noblet in Stranger With Candy is his crowning achievement) but as I’ve said before, if you’re one of those people who is so pretentious that you “only get your news” from Jon Stewart, you suck the warts off a dick.
Sure, cable news (or regular news) is just bullshit these days, but the people who proclaim superiority because they gobble up a comedian’s take on current events like it was, well man-seed, deserve to be called out as the pompous fucks they are.
If you don’t know TV is a mind numbing exercise in trying to get you to buy something because you’re supposed to be incomplete without said product, you deserve what’s coming to you. People who don’t watch TV will tell you all about it…because they have nothing else to talk about. For someone who’s supposed to be so smart and worldly from not watching TV, they sure as fuck are boring.
On the other end, if someone is shocked and dismayed that you don’t watch the usual CBS crapfest, then you probably don’t want to associate with them in the first place. TV watching comes down to one simple thing: are you in on the joke or not? If you are, then enjoy the high points (Flavor of Love) while condemning the low points (Flavor of Love). If you’re in on the joke, take it for what it is: at times tedious entertainment that everyone needs once in awhile. I mean, it’s better than smoking meth right? Right.
A friend of mine referred me to the post that I have been commenting on. He is an ex-TV junkie who hasn’t had cable for a long time. He’s not self-righteous about it because I’m sure if he had some free time and some bad cable to watch, he’d be there. When we were discussing the content of the post, he said it was disturbing to drive around at night and see how many people are glued to the TV. But this is what people do. After a hard day’s work, don’t you sometimes want to shut down and have some assholes on TV entertain you? I sure do. But again, I came back to the point that if you don’t understand how TV is evil, then you deserve its bad influence. Those types of people, the ones who suck TV up like pigs in a trough, are essential to America.
“Besides,” I told my friend, “we need those people to fight our wars for us.”
“We need more meat for the grinder,” he responded.
If Jon Stewart needed you for the war effort, would you answer the call?