Radiohead = U2...not a compliment

Radiohead sucks. And all you ass lickers who continue to promote, praise and worship these has-beens, can fuck right off.

Radiohead lost the plot after Amnesiac and that album was spotty at best. They have put out nothing but boring and bland shit since then and I would like to finally put it out there that Radiohead IS OVER. The only reason they continue to clog up Mp3 players and column after column of space on wank fests like Pitchfork (thank god no trees have been killed) is because they have the music buying public (well the ones who aren’t buying Madonna’s latest abortion) completely and utterly snowed as to who they really are.

Radiohead is today’s equivalent to U2. Now some of you might think this is a compliment. It’s not. Like U2, Radiohead has put out some incredible music. Put on some of the greatest live shows and dazzled fans with their unique and endearing interpretation of rock music. They’ve also faltered down the stretch like an aging athlete who can no longer carry the load. The ONLY think keeping them going is the good will they built up in the first part of their career.

U2 can do no wrong. They’ve sucked for a long time yet they are still considered one of the world’s greatest bands. I can think of two dozen bands who right now are making far better music than U2. Will they have the impressive catalogue that U2 boasts? No, probably not. But if we are judging current greatness by past accomplishments, O.J. Simpson, George W. Bush and Britney Spears would skip happily with Ghandi, Mother Teresa and MLK in a fairy tale land envisioned by indie rock dorks.

U2 will pop out a minor hit every now and awhile then coast on that for several years. Because of who they are and what they did (way back when), music fans will give them the pass. The Rolling Stones have been doing this for 30 years. The Stones, like U2 can do whatever they want because to say anything negative about them is tantamount to treason.

Sound like anyone you know?

Radiohead has crammed their way into this club too. It’s amazing that a band that has put out nothing but mediocre crap for the last couple of years, can still be held in high regard. Take a look at any music site and you will find several stories akin to “Radiohead’s Thom Yorke took a big shit today,” or “Radiohead has nothing new to add, just seeing if you’re paying attention” populating its pages. They don’t do anything and yet it’s reported on. Why? Because everyone has got it in their head that this band is still relevant and important, and to NOT report on them would be admitting that you are not relevant and important. It’s brilliant, top notch marketing.

Puff Daddy is the same way. We can all agree he sucks. Maybe he’s a talented producer but as a performer and a human being, he’s a complete sack of shit. Yet, does anyone come out and say this? No. Why? Because everyone’s afraid to do so. He’s still a popular man and more importantly, a rich man, so no one will stand up and point out what we all know: he sucks the sweat off Tony Little’s balls.

No indie hipster will admit that Radiohead has lost several steps. To do so would look bad in the eyes of all the other hipsters who have drank Thom Yorke’s Kool Aid. Hail to the Thief is such a bad and unfocused album it makes Ashlee Simpson records seem enjoyable. In Rainbows was only slightly better. I listened to that semi-stinker multiple times before realizing it’s like latte foam: a lot of air and kind of flavorless. The other aspect to the Radiohead phenomenon is that they did make good music at one point, and seeing them like this now is like seeing Superman die. Radiohead was the champion of all people who liked intelligent, important rock music. If you liked Radiohead, you were smart. You didn’t go in for all that meathead shit. They were heroes. You can respect the hell out of them (I do), but it’s time to finally admit that they are shadows of their former selves and making music that is sub par at best.

If you and your friends created In Rainbows, no record company would put that out. The only reason it got made and released (oddly enough by the band itself) is because Radiohead did it. Does anybody really want to hear the music Paul McCartney is making these days? No. But because he’s Paul McCartney we give him a polite pass.

Radiohead should keep making music. That’s their right. But let’s not step in a turd and pretend it smells like roses. The band is making uninspired music that sounds like everything else they’ve done for the last couple of years. Is that praiseworthy? Does that really earn them countless press on every music website? Separate yourself from who they are and what they’ve done and you will see a aging beauty who has no business playing the 25 year bombshell. Pam Anderson meet Radiohead. Radiohead meet your future.

The Rolling Stones and U2 are not relevant anymore. But like your grandfather, they should be afforded respect and admiration for the contributions they’ve made. Radiohead is not relevant anymore either. They’ve epitomized the law of diminishing returns with their lackluster musical output yet have forged bold new trails in marketing and promotion. Music geeks have ironically put them on a high pedestal because they can’t bear to see their heroes fall; writing stories about their every movement (bowel or otherwise).

So before the next bowel movement of an album by Radiohead comes out and bloggers and indie dorks everywhere rev up their false worship machine, take a page from the nostalgia act that is Radiohead and remember the “good ol’ days” when the band actually made music that mattered. And if you can’t buy this, have fun seeing these guys play their “bleep bloop“ snore fest music well into their 70‘s. Thom Yorke might even let you watch him take a shit….you can pay as little or as much as you want. I think we already have.

JR