Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Not a War on Christmas, but a War on Christians

I love Christmas, don’t get me wrong. It’s my favorite time of year. And not because I’m honoring the birth of Christ like all those very pious and moral Christians who are constantly reminding us how bad we all are from the rarified air of their Hummers, cutting people off in the Wal Mart parking lot.

No, I love Christmas because it’s the natural winding down of the year; a time to reflect on and look forward to the next one. I also love the fact that I can get together with friends and family, take time off from work and drink a bunch of free booze. That’s pretty special too.

Yeah Christmas rules and it rules because just about anybody can get down with it. I figure that Hindus, Jews and Muslims totally dig getting a couple of days off even if they don’t slobber at the feet of OUR LORD and SAVIOR. Hell, I don’t believe in that shit, but I’ll be the first one to say “happy birthday Jesus, thanks for the Best Buy gift certificate and all the free hooch.”

So it’s funny to me how all the self righteous fuck heads know as the American Christian get so bent out of shape about “taking Christ out of Christmas.” Don’t you think if Jesus could look down on all of this he’d be completely stoked that people of all races and religions are wishing each other well at office Xmas parties and kicking back on HIS birthday? I’d like to think so.

So fucking what if someone avoids saying “Merry Christmas” or the hardware store has a sign that says “Happy Holidays?” Jews and Muslims need garden hoses too right? Why should they be excluded just because their Messiah hasn’t risen from the dead and his believers aren’t up everyone’s ass with their neurotic badgering?

A recent letter to the editor in the Rocky Mountain News showed just how much the American Christian sucks. Some crazy freak wrote in because she was upset that Lowe’s had the words “Happy Holidays” up instead of “Merry Christmas.” As I stated above, Jews need garden hoses right? Well, it’s just words right? Because Lowe’s chooses to not alienate other religions doesn’t mean they don’t respect your mentally ill, Christian beliefs. It’s just words, so why is the American Christian’s faith so visibly shaken by this type of thing?

If someone said “Happy Hanukkah” or “Happy Kwanzaa,” I wouldn’t bat an eye. I’d say “thanks, you too,” and keep on keepin’ on. No one’s going to say that too you, unless you’re Jewish in a place where Jewish people hang out, but only a dickhead would get offended by this. The American Christian is so threatened by this subtle change, that they have to let everyone know about it by being that wet fart in church: Nobody wants to hear it.

If you have to stick anything on your car that tells people what religion you are, you fucking suck. Put a Broncos sticker on there or a decal of your favorite band, but if your religion is so important, why are you cheapening it by sticking some shoddy plastic symbol of it on your car? If you have to advertise this type of thing, you’ve got some serious fucking problems.

So yeah, I’m taking the Christ out of Christmas because his believers have ruined the party for the rest of us. It's not a war on Christmas, but a war on Christians because they suck sweaty manhole. I’m going to celebrate Christmas because I think it’s a great time to honor friends and family. A great time to give thanks for another year of life and better things to come. I’m going to celebrate Christmas because it’s part of who I am and who I’ve become. I will not honor the Christian ideal of Christmas because it’s outdated and kind of fascist to think everyone, including people whose religions are thousands of years older than Christianity, should celebrate something they don’t believe in. Have fun with your family and friends, enjoy the time off and have a free drink on Jesus.

JR

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dude, take another bong hit & chill out.

J Reidy said...

ha! ha! ha! good one guy! what an original and thought provoking comment. i hope you have one of these blogs because you seem to have a good grasp on the human condition. take another bong hit....wow, that's good.

keep up the good work you brainless twat.

JR

Anonymous said...

Cool, Reidy is putting crap on the web again.

What I enjoy about people who want to put the "Christ" back in Christmas don't even celebrate Christmas. Christmas literally means Christ's Mass. If you aren't Catholic and you don't go to Mass on Christmas you aren't celebrating the real meaning of Christmas. Luckily for heathens and gentiles like us Christmas traditions have nothing to do with religion. Christmas traditions are based upon the Pagan Yul, Saturnalia and many other local customs. Christmas traditions vary over the years and by location. Christmas in England used to be about the poor breaking into rich people's houses and forcing them to give them food and booze. Drunken Christmas celebrations were one of the reasons the pilgrims came to America. They even outlawed Christmas here. If you want to experience a fun drunken Christmas nowadays you need to go to Australia. It's like freaking New Years, drunken partying with fireworks.
Don't get mad just because the world isn't like it was when you were a kid. Geez, things change. And stop pushing the idea that Christians are oppressed in America. That's like saying white men are oppressed.

Yikes, I sure wasted a bunch of time writing this crap.

the_twelveth_star said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

So how long are you going to play "teen angst"? Until your fifty?

J Reidy said...

First of all, slapping something with the "teen angst" tag is really played out. Can't you come up
with anything better? No? I'm shocked.

As far as doing this until I'm 50, why not? What are you doing besides posting anonymously to someone's site?
Are you going to be a pussy until you're 50? Yes, you are.

I've been doing this type of thing for close to 15 years now because I love commenting on everyday shit that obviously
means a lot to Sufjan Stevens fans like yourselves.

But I also do it for one main reason:

Jackoffs like YOU read it and feel the need to comment on it, all the while pretending to be above it all. Sure.

thanks sucker.

keep reading.

JR

Greg Neumeyer said...

"If someone said “Happy Hanukkah” or “Happy Kwanzaa,” I wouldn’t bat an eye. I’d say “thanks, you too,” and keep on keepin’ on."

So why do you expect a Christian to neuter his holidays to please your sensibilities? No Christian I know wants to keep a Jew from wishing anyone "Happy Hanukkah", but you want to forcibly keep anyone from recognizing theirs.

Are you so weak you can't bear to be reminded that it is Christians that created this time of the year you like so much? Or maybe you are reminded of the fact that the Church created not just this holiday you enjoy, but the 6, then 5 day work week? Or the abolition of slavery...or the creation of music...or universities...or discovered biology? Or invented the way of counting hours that you use?

J Reidy said...

first of all dickhead, the point of the piece is that no one should be forced to recognize any religious bullshit.

you make is seem like i said "happy kwaanzaa" is ok but "merry christmas" is not. that's not what i said you fuck.

you get all uptight when someone challenges your christian beliefs and you start making things up.

go ahead, say "merry christmas" just don't come down on someone because they don't say it. i love christmas! it's great. and i don't even believe in your fantasy character jesus.

"but you want to forcibly keep anyone from recognizing theirs" is your quote. that's just a goddamned lie. show me where i said that and i'll go to church with you. christians love to put words in people's mouths. i want people to recognize and honor their holiday and religion, i just don't want them to suck so bad while doing it.

and as far as the rest of your comments about christianity inventing everything: christmas started out as a pagan holiday. the christians took it over and assigned christ's birthday to it. i'm sure he's stoke about that.

christians invented music? that's just fucking hilarious. please, please, please get your head out of your butthole and think about what you're saying. i wholeheartedly endorse your need for religion. just like how any other mentally ill person needs their medication. but just take a look around once in awhile and notice how full of shit you are. i do it, so why can't you?

JR

greg neumeyer said...

"It's not a war on Christmas, but a war on Christians because they suck sweaty manhole. I’m going to celebrate Christmas because I think it’s a great time to honor friends and family."

What if we transposed a few key words?, "It's not a war on Passover, it's a war on Jews, because they suck sweaty manhole. I'm going to celebrate Passover because I think it's a great time to honor friends and family."

You are not only a bigot, but absurd. Why would you celebrate a holiday that celebrates the birth of what you consider a "fantasy" figure? And at the same time as referring to this particular group in terms usually associated with some skinhead while he's kicking a black man in a gutter.

The music reference relates to the fact that music recording grew out of the need for prayer tones to be recorded, first as the diatonic scale, then as neumes, then as modern notes. The entire language of the music is based on the rhythms of Christian prayer. Even the names of notes (Do-Re-Mi-Fa-So-La-Ti-Do) are in fact taken from an ancient hymn called Ut queant laxis
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ut_queant_laxis).

I know this because I know something about music--which is why your blog interests me. But one has to weed through a lot of hate and bigotry for the good kernels.

J Reidy said...

please write "sweaty manhole" again, it's just awesome.

you're not making sense! when, what and where did i make reference to this?:

"referring to this particular group in terms usually associated with some skinhead while he's kicking a black man in a gutter."

i don't get it...

i call out christians because they are some of the worst scum on the planet. does that include you? i don't know but until you take your religion back from the freaks who have hijacked it and made it into a joke, you and your kind will continue to catch hell from me. you're as bad as someone who keeps apologizing for an alcoholic wife-beater.

i don't know why you keep mentioning jews, but i'm beginning to wonder who the bigot is. don't forget, jews invented your religion and your hero jesus was in fact jewish. christians are like the people who are really into audioslave but hate soundgarden. now that's absurd.

and hell yeah i can celebrate Xmas without believing in jesus. i'm not the kind of person who bums out when i see a cross...the Calvin sticker where he's praying that you see on a car will bum me out...any religious bullshit on cars is cheap and horrible...but not much else bothers me. i can celebrate it like any non-christian would: thanks for the days off, i'm going to eat some food and drink some wine....kind of like what jesus would have done huh?

santa claus is a fantasy figure right? i'm totally down with the work he does.

you didn't address the fact that Xmas is based on pagan rites (someone else addressed it in the comments earlier). and you backtracked on your 'christians invented music' thing. people were playing music long before christianity was even a glint in matthew, mark and john's eyes.

thanks for reading and keep weeding through the hate for the good stuff.

JR