Anne Coulter: Conservative Seductress or Shrieking Ugly Skank?

I guess if I have nothing to write about, I don’t force it. Sure, I could write several pages on how much I hate Katie Couric, but it’s kind of pushing it don’t you think? Don’t misunderstand me here, I DO hate Katie Couric. Her muppet-like face with skin stretched too tight over her skull turns my stomach every time I see her. She’s the epitome of smug whiteness and I was compelled recently to write about her because she was on the TV so damn much.

But that was relevant a couple weeks ago, and in true fashion, if I don’t jump on it right away, writing about it ends up having the allure of putting one of my balls in a shop vice. I just don’t “go there” “girlfriend.” (As a straight man you have to put “girlfriend” in quotes, otherwise you’re broadcasting to the world your gayness. I’ve broadcasted my “anus” many times to the world, but I digress.)

If it doesn’t actually move me to write about it, it’s just not worth it. And while my hatred for Katie Couric’s lame smugness does get me riled up, it didn’t get me to the computer. Anne Coulter did however, and I’m sure she likes it that way.

Let me preface this all by saying that I know she’s just a whore for attention. The only reason she said what she said about the 9/11 Widows is to promote her new book. I know how it goes; I’ve employed this tactic many times myself. Radio people do it too. They throw out a ridiculous statement and the calls come flooding in. It’s smart if you’re dumb enough to buy into it. See how that works?

Anne Coulter, aside from being incredibly ugly, is so starved for attention and so willing to do anything to promote herself, will take even the most ridiculous of stances to squeeze every last dime and every last ounce of attention she can get thrown her way. Yeah, sure, it’s the American way, but it doesn’t make it any less obnoxious.

She’s ugly as a rubber Halloween mask left over in a bargain bin but it’s really her tone and demeanor that make her as offensive as she is. There’s nothing worse than a man or woman who are so upset about their own opinion, that their faces become twisted, horrid masks as they speak. Coulter is exactly like that. Her eyes bulge from their deep sockets and the veins stand out in her neck. You should be this passionate about something important like anal bleaching; Coulter gets this way over “liberals” acting like the wankers they are. Why is this surprising and upsetting?

The “liberal” tag is soooo 2004. When I hear someone railing against “liberals” it’s like I’m hearing a dumb catchphrase from the 90’s. Have you ever heard Carson Daly say something like “Krunk?” Yeah, it’s painful. You feel sorry for him and you’re pissed off because you know how passé and awkward it all is. That’s how I feel when someone like Anne Coulter says the word “liberal.” It’s so paranoid sounding when she says it, you could put “communist” in there and you’d have time traveled back to the future like Calvin Klein….I mean Marty McFly. Back to the Future was on cable recently and I watched it like three times.

Liberals are lame. I’ll agree with that even though I’ve voted for the democratic candidate ever since I could vote. They suck. They are spineless and can’t get anything done because they haven’t adopted the hard line, ‘with us or against us’ attitude the folks across the aisle have. They are seen as weak because, well, they kind of are, and the only thing people respect is cramming your own beliefs down other people’s throats.

With that said, the “conservatives” (doesn’t quite have the bad connotation that liberal does huh?) are worse. They are stuck in their ways, psychotic war mongers who respect money and power above anything else. All the while pretending they are righteous and believe in this magical entity that will take them all up to heaven any day now. They are intrinsically racist in their policies and do everything in their power to make the rich richer and make the poor keep buying a bunch of shit they don’t need. I can respect someone standing up for what they believe and not wavering, but when you’re a hypocritical asshole, it kind of loses its romantic appeal.

So how you can attack one of them and not the other is beyond me. I’m sure at a basic level, Coulter may have a point or two about “liberals.” It’s easy though. So why won’t she take it to the other guy? You know they fuck up just as worse and have caused way more damage then their wimpy counterparts. It’s because Coulter has a fan base of stupid, scared, misinformed, closet racists who would open their legs to their cousin before they’d open their minds to an alternate belief system.

Coulter is the political equivalent to a hip hop feud. It’s ridiculous, pointless and only designed to sell more product. Someone will get hurt (hopefully Coulter) and most rational people look at it and can’t believe how stupid it is. If more people would realize that this is a white people version of Tupac and Biggie, no one would take this horrible human seriously.

Which brings me to what Coulter said about the 9/11 Widows. Because of their political affiliation, Coulter ragged on these women for milking their stardom. She said that we shouldn’t take what happened to them as an excuse for their “liberalism” or some shit like that. Ok sure. I’m never one to let a tragedy excuse someone’s behavior. Being from Colorado, we saw a lot of “milking it” because of the Columbine massacre and I was front and center giving it to the people who were the biggest offenders. But if someone is being an asshole, let them know they’re being an asshole, don’t bring political affiliation into it. Who cares? If a 9/11 Widow is critical of Bush, (they probably has a point considering how Bush either caused or let 9/11 happen) debate her on the issues (ha) do you really need to bring liberalism into it? Coulter speaks out of both sides of her mouth. One side she says they’re wrong for using their tragedy to push a liberal agenda. From the other side, the…uh…good side?…she pushes her conservative agenda by hyping this up way more than anyone cares.

Did you even know anything about this until she opened her trap? I didn’t. It’s like she sat around and thought, “hmmm, what group can I attack that will cause the most controversy, but I can back up by saying ‘liberal’ a whole lot? Those 9/11 Bitches all voted for Kerry, I think I’ll fuck with them!”

And that’s what it comes down to. A lot of people will be pissed off that she attacked the 9/11 Widows and Coulter will claim they’re fair game when they start to voice their opinion in the political area. I would actually agree with her on that. But this retard is just promoting a book and she got all the attention she wanted from this statement. I feel cheap and used for even talking about this…kind of like I got drunk at a party and Coulter felt me up in the bathroom…..ewww.

I think this will (hopefully) backfire on this troll for the simple fact that everyone still holds 9/11 as sacred. This will only confuse the conservative fan base because most of these people will bend over backwards and lick their own ass to put a bumper sticker proclaiming “Never Forget 9/11!” on their SUV. If they get behind Coulter on this, then I’ll know the End Times are coming.

If you open your mouth be prepared to have someone’s foot shoved in it no matter who you are or what you’ve gone through. What Coulter can’t get through her obviously Skeletor-like thick skull is that conservatives should be judged by the same rules. My foot is ready Anne, open wide you shrieking ugly skank.

JR