Like You Care....a best of 2005 in music

My picks for best albums of 2005…in no particular order.

I don’t buy too much new music these days. I get most of my stuff from friends and the library. And since getting new stuff from the library takes awhile, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m just not going to be up on all the newest stuff these days. That’s cool. That’s what happens when you get older. Slower, balder, (not fatter because I’m in sweet shape) and just generally more out of it. It’s a sad day when you find yourself with the same far away look in your eyes you remember your tired mom having when you were young.

Anyway, I don’t even have a top ten because I couldn’t think of 10 albums that came out last year that would qualify. I even had to submit a couple of albums that came out last year that I liked just to round it out. I did however include two albums that I thought sucked balls in 2005 (yet a ton of people somehow thought were great). As always, it never ceases to amaze me how much the American public’s taste is firmly planted in its ass. The same goes for most rock critics. Put a piece of goofball shit out with a catchy name and everybody will soil themselves trying to be the first one to praise it (please see Sufjan Stevens below).

Attention Rock Critics and Hipsters: I know you want to be the first to be “in on” the “next big thing.” I’m sorry, but there will be no “next big things” because news travels too fast these days and everyone is in the know by the next morning. So stop trying; it’s pointless. Please spend your time more constructively by trying not to suck so much. Thank you.

Spoon – Gimme Fiction:

When the first lines of “Beast And Dragon, Adored” hit you, the whole album settles in like butter on a pancake. And even though I heard “I Turn My Camera On” in two separate TV shows, it’s still one of the jams of the year.

The Game – The Documentary:

Most hip hop is borderline comic theater, and while The Game dabbles in the usual absurdity that rap music is famous for, the beats and Game’s vocals on The Documentary make this better than 90% of the hip hop out there.

Shout Out Louds – Howl Howl Gaff Gaff:

I just loved this album from the very first time I heard it. Some friends gave me a copy….I mean I bought a copy at the store…and I haven’t stopped listening to it.

Beck – Guero:

Got it from the library, put it on the ipod and set to working one night. As the dawn approached, “Hell Yes” came on and I was invigorated. Doing the robot is so passé, but you can’t help but move your arms in a robotic stylee when this shit comes on. The rest of the album ain’t too shabby neither. Muy bien guero. Even if you are a scientologist now.

High On Fire – Blessed Black Wings:

Some of the best metal to hit my ears in awhile. I saw them live earlier this year and it’s unfathomable how one guitar, a bass and a drummer can make such a fucking racket. Awesome. It’s what will be playing when the world ends.

Gorillaz – Demon Days:

Obviously I’m running out of albums and I’m not putting the latest Franz Ferdinand on here because 1) I haven’t heard it and 2) I didn’t think the first one was very good. Based on the great song from the ipod commercial, the Gorillaz get a nod. Plus the song “Dirty Harry” is a great jam that gets my infant son dancing. Can’t beat that.

The White Stripes – Get Behind Me Satan:

Most of this is good, but it’s fairly uneven compared to previous work. “Blue Orchid” is wicked bad and “My Doorbell” is a nice change of pace. Ok, it’s a pretty good album and I always give high marks to a band for changing up the formula when it’s the last thing you’d expect them to do.

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah –CYHSY:

This is the one that a lot of people had on their year end lists. It’s not my favorite of the above records, but it has a unique sound that grew on me instantly. It’s theatrical and kind of goofy, but it never gets annoying like some of the crap people like.

Honorable mentions (albums that came out before 2005 that I liked)

Ween – Quebec (2003):

“Transdermal Celebration” is all you need to know.

Explosions in the Sky – Friday Night Lights Soundtrack:

A soundtrack to a movie about high school football? Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. This is a latter day instro masterpiece.

Some albums that sucked in 2005:

Sleater-Kinney- the Woods:

Unfortunately I hated The Woods by Sleater Kinney. I’m a fan of the band and this album was hyped more than an episode of the Apprentice (i.e. loads of advertising and praise yet total boring shit), but it completely falls flat on its ass. I get the feeling that if you’re around long enough and people feel sorry for you, they’ll eventually glad hand you till no end just to give you what amounts to an indie-rock, lifetime achievement award. This album blows. It’s boring, takes the band in no new direction and at times the production sounds like it’s coming out of burned out speakers. Boo-hiss ladies.

Sufjan Suckass- Illinois:

Anybody who likes this crap can blow me. This is a fucking joke and yet 99% of the year-end lists I read have included this as their number one. What the fuck are you dullards thinking? This is the worst, college-rocker bullshit I’ve ever heard. This sounds like a joke version of that terrible music Jonathan Richmond wrote for the There’s Something About Mary soundtrack. This is a perfect example of your wannabe-hipster music geek, wanting so badly to fit in with the cool kids, that he’ll (she’ll) freely give credence to some terrible music just because one or two assholes said it was good. No, this shit sucks hole and anyone publicly claiming to like this is my enemy. Show me 100 hipsters looking for the next big thing and I’ll show you 100 people looking up the ass of the person next to them.

JR