the Mark of the Wuss

Fucking religious freaks. Seriously, people who get their panties in a bunch about religion are mentally ill.

A buddy of mine told me a story about how a co-worker of his got all religious on his ass while on a business trip. This creep was a “born again” and felt the need to lay his cheap shtick on my friend.

Well, my friend is a rather well informed, former bible beater who knows an enormous amount about the bible, attended religious schools and overall was a devout Christian until he realized that most of it was bullshit. I think he believes in it still, he just doesn’t buy into the “born again” insanity.

So this guy, after hearing my friend tell him about the bible and explain his viewpoints on religion and how he arrived at them, lays out the whole “you are at a point that I was before I realized the truth” or some shit like that. He continued, “you probably know more about the bible than I do, but do you realize that all you have to do is ask Christ to be your personal lord and savior?” Well duh.

This is your American Christian in action. Doesn’t know a goddamn thing about the bible yet is the expert on what it takes to save your soul. Has no clue as to where any of the words he said came from, yet will tell you you’re wrong because he “knows the way.” It’s funny how all of these people are better than you and you’re not quite on their level because of their religious conversion. Hate to break it to ya, but dumbasses are NEVER on my level.

All you have to do is ask Jesus huh? If it was that easy, don’t you think everybody would be doing it? It’s like those late night/late morning cable ads where the guy works from home and makes $450,000 a year. It’s too good to be true. It’s too easy.

Nothing in this life is that easy. If someone came to you today and said, “you can be a multi millionaire by the end of the day if you just come to my seminar and pledge your loyalty to me.” You’d throw the guy out on his ass. So why don’t we do that to the American Christian? Because they’re crazy and crazy people can’t be reasoned with or negotiated with. You can’t have a logical discussion about religion with a wacko “born again.” It’s like trying to discuss quantum theory with the dude on Colfax with gold paint all over his face form huffing it out of a bag. You’re just wasting your time.

The only difference between American Religious Nuts and Middle Eastern Religious Nuts is the American version isn’t going into a Starbucks and blowing everyone up….yet. Sure we get some of those fuckers shooting up abortion clinics are killing doctors who perform abortions, and while this is sad and alarming, they aren’t going into America’s malls and taking out a large numbers of people; probably because they know they’d be killing a lot of like minded people. They’re bound to do something horrifying in the future, but if there is a positive to suicide bombings, it’s that the American religious freak feels he is so much better than his turban wearing counterpart that he wouldn’t dare sink to their level. Good for us huh?

What brought this latest bile up from the depths of my stomach was a story I read today about RFID chips being the Mark of the Beast.
RFID (radio frequency identification) is rapidly becoming the standard in credit cards and all the shit you use on a daily basis to buy coffee, beer and baby formula….oh wait, that’s what I use it for. Well this nut in the story is convinced that RFID is the Mark of the Beast as foretold in Revelations….that’s a section in the bible for all you “born agains” who haven’t actually bothered to read the thing.

If you read the article it talks about how throughout history, religious crazies have thought various technological advances have been the Mark of the Beast. The Guttenberg Press sent countless mental patients masquerading as normal people into a tizzy when it was introduced. So as each new thing is invented, Revelations gets a boost in ratings because some freak sees a correlation to the BEAST.

If you read Revelations for what it is, anything can be seen as the Mark of the Beast or the signal for the start of the End Times. It’s ironic because if you read Revelations, you could easily interpret the reign of GW Bush as the coming of the Beast. He’s a charismatic leader who people follow blindly. This person is said be loved by a lot of people but is really the anti-Christ. I’m sure everyone on George’s side of the fence felt that way about Bill Clinton, so it’s hilarious that these so called religious people are in fact backing the anti-Christ now.

Here’s some info from a nut job’s website about the End Times:
1. Both beast and its image have exerted political and religious authority
2. Both claim power and right to admit or excommunicate church members
3. Both make laws and creeds to govern their religion
4. Both make names for their religion and assemblies in honor of men
5. Both offer an opportunity of salvation for the sinner after death
6. One claims that there is one body with two heads, the other claims that there are many bodies with one head

(It was funny that while looking up some things about this column, every religious site I went to for information asked for money and/or your email before it would give you more. I don’t believe in email addresses though. It’s the Mark of the Beast!)

Sounds like ol’ Bush to me. Here’s more from Wikpedia (which didn’t ask for any money):

“there is a general consensus that sometime prior to the expected return of Jesus, there will be a period of "trials and tribulations" during which the Antichrist, inspired by Satan, will attempt to win supporters, and will silence anyone or make enemies of any country that refuses to approve of him.”

Yep, that’s him.

And more:

“Some believe that the Antichrist will be of Jewish decent, basing their claims on Daniel 11:37. This verse says "Neither shall he regard the God of his fathers, nor the desire of women, nor regard any god: for he shall magnify himself above all," which matches Jewish tradition of faith in God[[2]]. This may also indicate that the Antichrist is a homosexual[[3]]. Also, the Antichrist, some believe because of John 5:43, may be accepted as Israel's Messiah.”

Really nice how they set the Jews and the gay guys up like that. Don’t try and become the first gay president or Israel’s Messiah any time soon.

And the Muslims have their say too:

“He will initially claim to be a prophet of God but will finally declare himself God.”

Again, sounds like our man GW because he’s such good buddies with God, or so he claims. I can see a single white female scenario playing out where GW will start borrowing Jesus’s clothes and wearing his hair in a similar fashion.

The funny thing about Revelations is that we know the outcome already. It’s like reading spoilers online about your favorite movies and tv shows. We know that Jesus wins! So why is everyone getting so upset?

If you know Jesus wins, why are you fighting the Mark of the Beast coming into play? You’d think these religious lunatics would welcome this. After all, they’re saved right? Once the Mark happens, Jesus is coming and he will save them all. I think it’s a bit telling that the religious fruitcake set is so upset by this; do they know deep down they’re full of shit and Jesus isn’t coming? If you truly believed all this shit, you’d welcome RFID with open arms. Bring on the Apocalypse! I’m ready Lord!

The born again credo of “asking Jesus to be your savior” is utter crap. It’s too easy. It makes people like George Bush have an easy out for all the bad shit they do. Fundamentalist Christianity (christian insanity?) attracts crazy people, drunks and drug addicts and other assholes who’ve fucked up along the way and instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they just have to say a few simple words and “poof,” all is forgiven. I realized a long time ago this was bullshit when my CCD teacher told me that because of Jesus’ forgiveness, even Al Capone could get into heaven (I grew up in Illinois and he was bad guy the kids all knew). I told my dad that and he laughed. “Yeah right,” he said. That’s all I needed to know.

So after my buddy had this enlightening religious discussion with a misinformed, delirious born again, the guy quit his job and went off on some half baked religious quest. I don’t know if my buddy spurred this on, but if this cat ends up shooting up a Hot Topic, I know who to blame.
JR